Confessions of a closet lesbian (GirlxGirl) - A lesbian love story

Well, Fab

14th January 2012

Dear Diary,

So, I'm a terrible person. It's been two weeks since the party and I still haven't spoken to either Sarina or Jamie. I'm so terrible that I've even been going out of my way to avoid them both at school - I've hidden in toilet cubicles and everything. Obviously it's childish, but I have no idea what to say to either of them. After everything I can't imagine that talking to either of them will be particularly fun.

I haven't told anyone that I'm gay yet either, but I'm worried that if I don't, either Sarina or Jamie will beat me to it. I'm thinking that I'm going to tell Flynn and Georgia just so they don't get mad at me. Hopefully they won't hate me, ha.

I can't decide if I was even dating Sarina. We never officially became girlfriends, which I suppose just makes us friends with benefits. I suppose I don't need to break up with her if that's the case, but I should say something; it'd be cruel to ditch her with no notice, even if she is a bitch to my friends.

I'll have to invite her over to talk since I can't do it in public while no one knows about us. At least that way if she flips out I'll be the only one around to see it. Fabulous.

And then there's the Jamie problem. Sigh.

I still don't know where we stand. I miss her... like, a lot. Sometimes it's so bad that my chest hurts when I think about her, and how awful she must be feeling. Insane right? That's to be expected when you haven't spoken to your best friend for a long time though, right? Maybe.

Ugh. I've gone and caught feelings for her. What if I love her? I have no idea how to handle this situation; there are way too many things that could go wrong here.

But maybe... Should I tell her? I know we haven't spoken in weeks so maybe it's too late and I've missed my chance to make up with her. Maybe she just hates me now because I've been avoiding her.

I don't even know if I want a chance with her. I just want my friend back. It just so happens that I'd also quite like to hold her do other weird stuff. I hate having feelings. Why couldn't I be straight like everyone else?

D x