Playboy • Verkwan

✰15

"seungkwan," vernon said, "my parents are dead, too... and-"

seungkwan froze. he feels the air choking him, and even pulling out all the leftover air in his lungs. words suddenly don't make sense to him anymore. in his head, he repeated the words that came out of vernon's mouth a few more time.

my parents

dead....

parents.... dead.... too

there it is again. the doors in seungkwan's heart being effortlessly opened, again, by vernon, a stranger. vernon, someone seungkwan hates.

"and..." vernon continued, his head low, "i'm sorry."

sorry

such a simple, short, and meaningless word. but somehow seungkwan wanted to take it serious this time. he wanted hansol to mean it.

no, it's not him, seungkwan would never forgive that bastard.

it's the self-doubting boy seungkwan tried everything to hide behind dozens of doors in his heart.

the 'old' seungkwan years ago who was shy and self-doubting. who begged his father to stop... stabbing his mother. who screamed and cried when he was bullied by the older kids. who was terrified to talk... anywhere.

the old seungkwan, who seungkwan hates.

so so much.

"i... i don't know what happened that night, seungkwan, please," vernon begged for seungkwan to talk, or even give a reaction.

begged. the playboy begged.

interesting, seungkwan smiled. bitterly.

vernon observed seungkwan and took a deep breath. the boy in front of him obviously didn't want to forgive him.

"i know you hate me, seungkwan, almost everyone does. people think i'm this stupid fuckboy who goes around fucking girls and treating them as toys, throwing them away after i get bored. everyone around here thinks i'm popular, seungkwan, but i hate this," vernon spit out the words, "i'm really, really, lonely, seungkwan. people follow me around and surround me because they all have a purpose. and that's disgusting to me. my only real friend is junhui, and... you. seungkwan. i know you don't think of me as a friend, and i know that i don't deserve you. but... you don't get close to me to just become more popular, and-"

"i don't want to lose you," vernon said, surprising himself, "seungkwan."

so here goes nothing.

"my father... he was sick. really, really sick. so fucking sick to the point that he couldn't even talk properly. we traveled from the united states to here, and... still, no doctors could find just what's wrong with him. he... seungkwan... my father died soon. right in front of us, when we were visiting him. he just suddenly... disappeared from this world-"

"i'm sorry, hansol," seungkwan said.

seungkwan walked closer to hansol, and stopped. he didn't know what to do. he wanted to hug this boy, and embrace his past. but he couldn't. hansol's haunting words still stabbed his heart.