Perfectly Imperfect | Lippa

"Unimaginable." - Fourty-Five

DATE: January 6, 2016

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   "Jasmine? What... what are you doing here?"

"I heard about the accident and I came as soon as I heard. Everyone else is on their way." Jasmine continued to stand by the entrance, fresh tears running down the same path of the dried out ones. She didn't want to come inside, not sure if she was even welcome at all. "I wanted to see if you were okay, and I wanted to apologize." Even though Jasmine's voice was soft and shaky, it was loud and clear enough for Pippa and the nurses to make out what she was saying. Thinking that it was best to leave, one of the nurses gently pat Pippa on the shoulder in final attempts to comfort before leaving the room. The other nurses followed, leaving Jasmine halfway through the entrance.

   "I know that I haven't been the bestest friend," Jas started, watching as Pippa's eyes trailed down to her hands, that were placed on her stomach. "I-I know that what I did to you and Lin was wrong, and I am so sorry for that." Jasmine was now choking back her sobs, unlike Pippa, who was now letting everything finally get to her.

   The walls that Pippa had built up to protect herself from the feelings of betrayal and hurt to try and be happy with Lin again all came crumbling down at the same time. Upon hearing the news of the loss of her baby, she had forced them to continue to stay up. But now there was no point. She allowed herself to feel hurt. She allowed herself to feel betrayed. She allowed herself to feel pain. She allowed herself to cry and sob, something that she would never unintentionally do in front of Lin. She realized that she hadn't been happy. At least not all the way. It was now where she was most vulnerable. And Jasmine was there to see it all happen.

Jasmine saw how Pippa immediately let out big, heavy sobs once she heard those words. Feeling that it was wrong to just stand there as Pippa cried her heart out, she rushed inside of the room and let the door slam shut behind her. She sat down on the plastic chair that was next to Pippa's hospital bed and grabbed Pippa's hand tightly, squeezing it. "I never should have thought of Lin as more than a friend or a coworker. I should have respected your relationship and forced myself to look the other way, staying loyal to Anthony. But I didn't. I let myself be controlled by my attractions to him, and I regret everything." Now, they were both sobbing. "I wish I could just take that night back and never even laid eyes on Lin at that party. I-I wish that Lin hadn't been that intoxicated and been able to say no. I wish that I hadn't encouraged him, and I wish I wasn't the reason why he broke your heart."

   You have no idea how much you mean to me, Pip. And you have no idea how much I hate myself for doing what I did to you. It wasn't fair. It wasn't. You deserve the world. I deserve nothing..." The last sentence that she said came out barely louder than a whisper. Of course, that's not all of what Jasmine felt. She felt as if though she could apologize over and over again and still never truly deserve her forgiveness. "I should have done everything in my power to stop myself. I—"

"Jasmine," Pippa choked out, squeezing her best friend's hand as tight as possible. "I lost the baby." Even though she had cut her off, Jasmine didn't seem to mind. She stared up at Pippa with wide eyes, frozen in shock for a few seconds. Finally, she echoed out in a questioning tone, "You lost the baby?"

A new stream of tears now cascaded down Pippa's cheeks. She nodded and began sobbing again, needing nothing else other than comfort. Ignoring the pain that she felt all over her body, Pippa accepted the hug that Jasmine was giving her. Melting into her embrace, Pippa continued to cry on her shoulder, hearing the soft and comforting words that Jasmine was telling her. Everything was going to be okay. Everything was going to be all right.

   Everything would be just fine.

   After that, it was all a blur. Pippa barely remembered any of it. Most of that is because of the medication that she was on. She and Lin went back home after they had permission to leave the hospital, but nothing seemed quite right. Lin noticed how absent Pippa was. He also noticed how she always responded to him half-heartedly. It seemed as if though this accident had taken away half of her liveliness, and in some ways, it had. She and Lin were given some weeks off of Hamilton to heal and get their lives back together. Pippa didn't sleep as close to Lin as she did before. In fact, she would sleep with her back facing him... That is, if she slept at all. Most nights, she would either lie awake or get up to begin pacing the room. Lin, although suffering as well, was trying his best to either crack through Pippa's surface or just get everything back to the way it was. But it seemed pointless.

   Not even Pippa's parents, who had extended their stay to help the young couple cope with their loss, could successfully reach out to Pippa. It was as if she was there one day and gone the next. She spent her time staring out of the window blankly, reading a book, or silently talking to herself. Lin was worried, sure, but he thought it was normal for Pippa to grieve this way. He in fact had been this way for the first couple of days before finally forcing himself out of that state and pushing to be strong for Pippa, Sebastian, Tobi, and for their future together as a family. But he too didn't get much sleep, knowing that they were truly going through the unimaginable.

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This chapter took me faster than I expected it to take me. I did a small time skip, and it would have been better if I had continued and not skipped a couple of days, but I couldn't keep myself interested by writing the hospital scenes... Once again, I am so sorry.

          — Danielle