FINGERTIPS ║ Larry Stylinson

2 ║ Harry

July 5th

Before everything turned to darkness, Harry was the happiest child in the entire world. Well, at least, it was how he used to feel. He loved sports and how it'd caused his body to change, and when he was looking at the mirror, he used to love what he was seeing. He was also good enough at school, even if it was not the thing he liked the most, he knew it was important for his mother and he did his best to make her proud. He was pretty funny, maybe he was the only one to think he was actually funny but hearing his laughters was the most beautiful sound to his family's ears so they couldn't complain. He used to be really energetic, jumping and running all the time, everywhere, singing loudly under the shower, sometimes with a bottle of shampoo by way of mike. He used to love dancing with his mother when their favourite songs were on the radio or when he was helping her with the chores, singing their lungs out. It used to be such a radiant boy but then everything fell apart around them, he had lost his bearings and he felt like nothing was the same around him. The fact they had decided to move in a new house in a new town didn't help. Yes, it was for the best, they wanted to start over and forget the past. But Harry had to learn how to live in a house he had never seen before.
Harry was sitting on the bathroom floor, trembling as he was struggling to retain his loud sobs, biting on his lips violently not to let any sound escape his mouth. The loud bangs on the door was making his heart painful in his chest and he had troubles breathing correctly. His ex girlfriend Carrie had found his new location and had drove there to talk to him. He had broken up with her at least two months ago now, just after the accident. It wasn't the best way to do such a thing, he knew it but he couldn't care less. He couldn't deal with her constant presence as she was staring at him for hours, doing nothing but sitting on the bed and looking at him silently. He could not listen to her complaining about how she wished he could see how good she looked one day or the other. She let him fall slowly into hell and didn't help him or even tried. She went out partying with friends when he stayed crying over his loss in his hospital bed. It couldn't work.

"Open the door, Harry!"

He wanted to be alone. He hadn't left his room since he came home from hospital and even less since he had moved in a week ago. He could barely leave his bed. He couldn't bring himself to leave the room and face his mother and sister, hearing them talk but not being able to see them. He missed looking at them and seeing how they looked like. He hated thinking about the fact he would never be able to see his family get older and it hurt so much, his heart was so tight in his chest.

"Harry, please..." Carrie sighed on the other side of the door.

She let herself slide against the door and sat down. Harry wouldn't open, he didn't even want to listen to her. Maybe he had hurt her when they broke up but it couldn't compete with all the pain he was going through. All he used to love so much about life had been smashed to pieces. He used to love painting, drawing, reading and writing. Nothing was the same, so many things were different and he felt like another person. Like he had died and had to live in another body in a hellish parallel universe where there were no colours, no images, just sounds and smells.

"Open the damn door!" she screamed hitting the door violently.

He flinched against the door, he pressed his palms against his ears as the tears were rolling down his cheeks and burning his skin. He wanted her to leave, she shouldn't be there, he shouldn't hear her voice and feel her presence. It was not how it was supposed to go. She started hitting the door over and over again, he could feel the hate she was putting into it. Everyone would end up hating him. He would end up all alone one day and nobody would remember him. The loud bangs were making his ears bleed and he silently begged for the world to stop. He wanted to disappear, he didn't ask for all of it, he didn't even want his life back, he didn't want any life at all. It was too hard, too painful, simply too much and all his strength was disappearing. He couldn't eat, he barely ever showered. He had became someone he knew nothing about, a total stranger.

"You should go..."

Gemma, his sister, had arrived and the knocks stopped suddenly.

"No, he has to open the door, I want to see him, I want to..." Carrie was cut off almost immediately.
"Carrie, just leave now or I'll make you leave!"

Harry silently thanked his sister as he heard steps at the other side of the door. He let himself lay softly on the cold floor, he was freezing, his body was ice but he didn't want to move. He was now lost in darkness forever and his body was covered with goosebumps and his face was soaked in tears. He wanted the pain to go away, to leave his body. He wanted to leave, run away from all of this, run away from the darkness he was now trapped in for the rest of his life. He remembered how scared he was of the dark as a child and he knew how much he still was now. But he couldn't ask his mum to turn the light on, he was just drowned in the darkest ocean and it was scarier than anything he has ever went through. He hadn't planned that. He was supposed to go to university and get a Physical Education degree to become a PE teacher. He was supposed to meet a woman and fall for her, they would marry and have children. That was how he had planned his life, he didn't want to spend the rest of his life in total darkness. He already missed everything so badly. The colours of the sky, how the grey of winter would give way to the clearest blue of summer. The green trees or even the dark pink of ripe raspberries. He missed everything the world had to give.
After a while, Harry stood up slowly, he stretched his arms in front of him, trying to find the door of his room, he grabbed the handle and turned the key before coming in his own room, sniffing, he groped around for his bed slowly and then laid down violently, he was so tired and weak. He placed his palm over his stomach when it gurgled loudly, he hadn't eaten much lately but he didn't care.