FINGERTIPS ║ Larry Stylinson

13 ║ Just Hold On

July 23th

The fact Louis had forgotten to close the shutters entirely the night before dragged him out of his deep sleep, the sun was now high and burning his eyes through his eyelids. He groaned loudly before pulling the cover over his face, pressing his face against his white pillow. He didn't want to wake up, he had managed to fall asleep way too late for waking up, ever. It takes a minute or two for the brain to react to any sensation when it wakes up. So after the quick blank page, the pain kicked in. The tiredness was heavy on his eyelids. He didn't want to get up and face the world, he wanted to stay in bed, in his room for the rest of the day. He curled up in the covers, in a foetal position. His heart felt so heavy, so painful. He hated waking up like this. Waking up and feeling useless and stupid like the world wasn't for him. Feeling like he would never fit in. Like if he disappeared, nothing would change on earth, no one would really care, they wouldn't really miss him. It hurt so bad as the thought were going in circle in his brain. He clenched his teeth until his jaw hurt. And without knowing why, the tears started streaming down his face, disappearing in the pillow. It felt like someone was sitting on his chest, he had troubles breathing and his heart was beating faster as the sobs began to escape his lips. Louis pressed his fists against his chest, almost like he wished he could dig in and take the pain away. But it didn't work like that. It was already so deep in him, in his stomach, his lungs and heart, everywhere and he could feel it. His organs felt like they were being gnawed by rats. He didn't know why. He just woke up and he broke down. It had happened before and each time he couldn't leave his bed, that was where he felt the less miserable, hidden under his hot protective covers, soaking the pillow with his hot tears. But suddenly, in the silence of the room, a voice was heard.

"Louis?"

A slow and almost inaudible whisper behind him. He frowned, closing his eyes tightly to try not to let more tears out. A hand wrapped around his cold arm under the blanket and he froze. The hand was warm and it gave him goosebumps. The bed creaked a bit as the person behind him came closer.

"Louis, what's wrong?"

The last thing Louis wanted was to be seen like that. Ever. It was wrong, it was stupid and ridiculous and he had no reason to cry like that so suddenly. He felt so dumb and it hurt even more as he covered himself with silent insults. Stupid. Fat. Ugly. Disgusting. Dumb...

"Louis, please.."

And in between his sobs and shivers, despite the pain and hate running through his veins, he managed to stutter:

"I don't want you to see me like that."

Harry sighed and Louis felt something against the top of his back for a minute. Harry had put his forehead against Louis and he was thinking for a bit. He never really heard Louis crying. He never heard him drowned in a sobbing and shivering mess. He closed his eyes for a second. It hurt.

"Well, technically, if you turn around I won't see you either..."

Louis cursed to himself for the mistake he had done and the sobs went on and on. His heart felt so tight that it seemed like it was about to implode violently inside his body. It wouldn't sound like a metaphor if he said his heart was breaking, he could actually believe it because it felt like it. Harry pulled on his arm a bit and Louis turned around, the tears were pouring on the older boy face and Harry couldn't do anything other than imagining the scene in front of him. But how could he if he didn't even know Louis' face. Harry placed his hand on Louis' other arm again. He could feel him shudder violently under his fingers, almost like he was convulsing. Harry's thumb stroked Louis' skin gently, trying to comfort him. He didn't really know how to comfort anyone. He had never found himself in a similar situation as he was now and he was hesitant on every words or gesture he wanted to say or make.