FINGERTIPS ║ Larry Stylinson

9 ║ Changes

July 14th

When Louis entered his own house around 8 in the morning, the sun was only piercing the dark sky softly and the air was cool, he already knew it would be a sunny day. He had spent a long night at Tamara's house, and it had only proved what he already suspected, things had changed, and it wasn't for the best. Maybe it was his fault or maybe Tamara had changed, she was more confident and her confidence had brought her to criticise everything Louis was doing. Maybe he had a harder time dealing with it than before. He didn't really know but the way he felt toward her was different, so different that he wondered if their relationship was still a good thing.

Some hours ago:

When he entered Tamara's house after he had left the Styles' under the still pouring rain soaking his clothes over his shuddering body, he had hopes, strong hopes that everything would fixed when he would leave. That the strong feeling of love would be back and make his heart flutter like it used to be, when he was still holding her hand on that pink cloud he had fallen from months ago already. Before he had crashed on the hard dirty ground of reality. He didn't know if it was fixable, but he assumed it could, he hadn't cheated on her and he was pretty certain she hadn't cheated on him either. None of them had made any terrible mistake to break the bonds between them. Maybe it was the time that wore them out and weakened them. He worked hard on making her more confident, so hard that he managed to make all of her insecurities fly away. But as she dropped baggy clothes for tighter one, hugging a slim body perfectly, something left with them. She liked having eyes on her, she was stunning and Louis didn't mind when people looked at her. But it took something away. He couldn't really put his finger on it though. Maybe that was her kindness, she became judgemental, she became this person analysing everyone's body and pointing out every single flaw. She had her own idea of perfection and people who were too far away from that image wasn't good enough to he. She wasn't the same, he knew it and maybe he missed the old Tamara who would be happy for every single thing, who would love people and care for them. When he stepped into the house, and felt her eyeing him from head to toe and criticizing how he was dressed, he had realised she was making him rather self-conscious lately. She was always feeling the need to give her opinion about every single outfit he was wearing or how is body looked, he was nervous about disappointing her all the time and he was pretty sure a relationship was not supposed to work like this. But he still had hope. Because she was his girlfriend and he didn't want to do something wrong because of something he wasn't even sure about. They talked, Louis lied, "I am fine". She tried to make up in bed several time, in vain, Louis was not in the mood. Each time he would push her away gently, she was getting more and more offended, but it wouldn't stop her from trying again some minutes after, sliding her hand innocently on his thigh. It looked ridiculous after a while. And for the first time, Louis felt awfully uncomfortable under her fingers, it felt wrong when he kissed her, and he couldn't go further. It felt wrong. Something in his stomach made him want to puke at every sticky kisses she was putting over his lips. And Louis wondered when she had started to wear those smelly sticky glosses. He had always loved the way she was covering her lips with strawberry lip balm before kissing him, it was kind of enjoyable. But the lip balm was gone and now he was getting sticky greasy kisses he hated the feeling of. Everything seemed so overplayed and ridiculous.

When Louis agreed to spend the night with her after she had used her best puppy look. She had changed into a see-through romper and Louis closed his eyes quickly before she had the chance to see him, and acted like he was deeply asleep, only to realise he had done that a lot as well lately. He couldn't understand, he missed her earlier, but now he only wanted to run away from her and her fragrance that was burning his nose and giving him a headache. She wrapped her arm around his chest and he heard her sigh softly before putting her head over his torso and mumbling an "I love you" he barely heard. This time, he couldn't feel like saying it back, it sounded so bad in his brain, like it was the wrong thing to say. He kept his eyes closed for the rest of the night, staying awake under his closed lids.
When he got a text from his mother at 7 am saying she needed him to babysit his younger siblings for the day, he got up slowly, not taking the time to wake his girlfriend up before putting on his – still wet – clothes and leaving the house silently. He already knew he would get lot of texts and probably troubles for leaving without a word, but he honestly didn't feel like talking to Tamara.