I'm Right Here

Lucky Girl

I walked downstairs after my awful conversation with Jackson. My heart kind of hurt. I had been so ready to tell him how I felt and he had asked out another girl. And now I had to go out with Popko because I'm stupid. The doorbell rang. "It's always open!" I called. Just my luck; Popko walked through the door.

"Hey Ramona," he said, flirtatiously. He would never give up. I refrained from rolling my eyes.

"Popko!" I said cheerily. He gave me a confused look. I wasn't usually nice to him. Oops. "I... actually needed to talk to you!" I tried to keep my breathing normal. This was one of the worst things I could imagine. He raised an eyebrow at me, starting to look worried. "So. I was wondering if you... wanted to... gooutwithme?" I managed to push the words out. Popko's eyes widened.

"Seriously?" he asked.

"Seriously." I plastered a fake smile on my face. "I figured there was no harm in giving you a shot."

"Ok ok so how about a movie on Friday? I'll check the times and pick you up?"

"Sounds... great." I said, trying to sound happy. I did a thumbs up and then mentally smacked myself for acting so awkward.

"Awesome. You're gonna love it. You won't regret going out with me. You're a lucky girl Ramona," he said, winking and walking past me to jog up the stairs. I slumped against the wall. What had I done. Know I had to go out with Popko. I very nearly gagged at the thought. I walked up the stairs and into my room. On the way I heard Jackson and Popko talking.

"No seriously dude she actually asked me out! I was about ready to stop giving her chances," Popko said.

"Wow I'm surprised. She said she was going to. She's been acting weird lately. I don't know what's up with her... but anyways I have a date with Tessa!"

"No way dude!"

I rolled my eyes and shut my bedroom door, hopping on my bed. I pulled my diary and a pencil out of my hiding place. I changed the hiding place periodically because if anyone found my diary I would actually die. I opened to the next blank page.

So I'm stupid. I actually thought I could tell Jackson how I felt. He would never like me back. I knew it and I should've gone with my gut feeling. He's moved on from Lola, but know he's asked out some girl from school named Tessa. There will never be a chance for me. If I'd have just listened to myself I wouldn't have had to cover by asking out Popko. Yeah... I asked out Popko. Sometimes I don't know what to do with myself.

I sighed, closing my diary. What was wrong with me? I just needed to get over Jackson, and quickly too. Everyone was starting to notice something was up and now I had to go out with Popko. I slipped my diary back into its hiding place and looked at my phone. It was only 2:30. I decided to text Lola.

Me:
Hey can you come over?

Lola:
Umm yeah I don't have plans. I'll be over in a few.

Me:
Ok great. See you in a couple minutes.

Lola:
See yah

I turned off my phone and leaned back, closing my eyes. I was going to have to tell Lola I was going out with Popko. How was I going to explain that? I'd have to find a way. I got up and walked downstairs to wait for her. When I got down there, the doorbell rang. "It's always open, Lola!" I was expecting Lola, but Jimmy came through the door instead.

"I'm not Lola, but I am looking for Steph," he said.

"She's probably in the kitchen," I told him. He dashed past me and into the kitchen. Steph and Jimmy were almost always together lately. I personally thought their relationship would go somewhere serious. Steph had told Jimmy she couldn't have kids and he had told her all he cared about was being with her. I hoped someday I could have a relationship as good as theirs. The doorbell rang again.

"It's always open," I said. This time Lola was the one to walk through the door. She speed-walked over to me and grabbed my shoulders.

"Jackson told me you asked Popko out. That's a joke right?" she asked, worriedly.

"Umm actually... I did ask Popko out."

"Ok I'm gonna ask you one more time. What is going on with you? And I want a real answer."

"Lola nothing's wrong with me. I just decided to give Popko a chance that's all."

She raised her eyebrows at me. "You've never wanted to give Popko a chance. Where is this suddenly coming from Ramona? I don't think you've been telling me everything lately and that's not what friends do. If you don't want to tell me what's going on... maybe we're not as good of friends as I thought."

"Lola we are friends!"

"I'm not so sure anymore. If you're gonna keep things from me like this it means you don't trust me. And that hurts Ramona," she said. Her face looked pained. She folded her arms and looked at the ground, turning around and going back out the door.

"Lola wait!" I called. She didn't wait. I put my hand on my face and tried to keep from crying. I had lost my chance with Jackson and then I had lost my best friend. Maybe Lola was right. Maybe I should just trust her and tell her the truth. But, I didn't want anyone else to know. Everyone was getting suspicious of me and I had to start acting normal again. Lola wouldn't just let it go though, she'd still want to know what had been bothering me. I'd have to make a decision soon. I couldn't lose Lola because I was being stupid.