Messages on a Coffee Cup

Chapter 23

   The next few day were complete and utter hell. I hadn't talked to Ethan since the morning of the accident and I hadn't gone to school since the day before. I just sat there on the floor, day after day, in the emptiness of my house- not Kimberly's- with only the company of The Fault in Our Stars as my link to sanity. Kim had done her best to console me but really, nothing could've made me feel better after what had happened on Friday. 

   It was now Thursday April 4, 2014. This was the day I'd goodbye to mom. This was the day I'd bury her. 

   I woke up from my restless sleep at around two-forty-five with Gus clutched in my hand from a night of reading. I washed my face, swollen from endless hours of crying myself dry, and picked out my little black dress. Reluctantly, I put it on and paired it with my black Chuck Taylor's. Mom had always loved it when I did that, the whole converse and dress type of thing. She never told me why, but I chose to wear them anyway, as if she would've seen me somehow; looking down at her cold corpse, wishing I could've told her one last thing before I sent her six feet underground for the rest of eternity. I didn't even bother putting on any make-up as my tears seemed to replenish after more than three hours of full out sobbing.

   At three-thirty, Kim arrived at my house to help me go over the eulogy I had written and to prepare me for the worst day of my life; she would be attending as my plus one for moral support. The visitation would start at four-thirty so we had a lot of time to spare. I openede my front door and sure enough she was there, carrying a bouquet of water lilies, and greeted me with a long, depressing hug.

   "Thanks for coming, Kim."

   "It's fine. I owe you for ditching you when you found out," she explained.

   We went over my speech a few times, sucking cold tears out of my eyes during each attempt. My sixth try was suddenly interrupted by a knock at the door which I anxiously answered. 

   No one appeared to be standing outside of my door so, instinctively, I looked down. A Starbucks cup innocently rested on top of my door mat awaiting my grasp. I picked it up and sipped it; caramel macchiato, close enough. I noticed black sharpie on the back of the cup and turned it around to give it a read:

   Just a little something to get you through today. Look for us, we'll be there.

Ps. Istillloveyou

~E

   I took another long sip of the coffee cup's contents and re read the last part of the message a couple of times. 

   I thought it over and finally realized how lucky I was to have this amazing guy in my life; I punched him in the face and he still loved me, he went MIA for five days and he still loved me, I never paid for the coffee and he still loved me.

"Istilloveyou too Ethan Abrams, Istillloveyou too."

   I knew it then more than ever that him and I were meant to be. Our stars had crossed and now, no amount of pain or suffering could tear us apart. 

   He is my Augustus Waters.