Messages on a Coffee Cup

Chapter 26

   I exited the bathroom and headed to the visitation room. The doors swung open revealing rows on rows of bodies clothed in black, sitting and awaiting me. Ethan stood beside me and clutched my hand in his, bringing it up to his mouth and kissing it, sending a wave of warmth through my body. After all of those days of darkness, I had finally found some light; and that light's name was Ethan Abrams. His blue eyes stared into mine as he noticed the pain surging through me. Doubt consumed me inch by inch and as he let me walk down the isle alone, a lump began to form in the back of my throat. The casket was only a few feet away but each step I took felt like an eternity; getting closer and closer to the minute I'd say goodbye, forever. I kept my head faced forward, avoiding the sadness that had plagued everyone else sitting there, dreading to forget her. The looks on their faces would've only made me even more emotionally unstable than I already was.

Finally, my feet reached the podium in front of her body and I adjusted myself to face the crowd. I cleared my groggy throat and took a deep breath, focusing my eyes on the one particular spot in the room where Ethan stood. 

   "Okay?" he liped, eyes locked on me and welling up with tears.

   "Okay." I mouthed back.

   Another deep breath, and I began the heart wrenching speech written in memory of mom.

   "Dear mom,

        I miss your hugs, I miss your smile. I'm scared I will forget you. I don't want to forget you. But that's the thing about death; no matter how hard I try, day after day will pass without you and I will lose every part of you until there is nothing left but a granite tombstone to remember you by. The small things first, then everything all at once; lost in the dark veil of time and death. I miss your nagging at my daily Starbucks runs, I miss you protecting me from dad when he'd have too much to drink. Do you remember that day I came in the house screaming at the top of my lungs, mom? Well, I can tell you now that that day was when I met an amazing guy. He helped me through this, I think he might actually love me, mom. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you. I'm also sorry that the last thing I said to you before you left us was 'Tomorrow's Saturday' after you told me that you'd be home before I'd come home from school. I'm sorry that the last thing you said to me was 'Catch you in the morning' as if you would actually return. I'm sorry that I didn't get to say goodbye. I love you, mom. Catch you on the flip side."

   I carefully stepped down from the podium and headed straight for the six foot tall Adonis in the back of the room, my steps gravitating from walking to jogging to full out running until my arms met his torso and wrapped around him desperately. I cried into his shoulder and he stroked my hair and kissed me on the forehead. Kim and Cameron joined in on the hug, surrounding my view in a canvas of black, distracting me from the ceremony commencing in the front of the room. This only made me  cry harder, realizing how I'd shut my friends out after I heard the news; how I only thought about myself. Yet they were there to support me -familiar faces in the sea of unknown mourners. They were there so my shitty life might've become a little less shitty. They were there because they loved me and I am sincerely proud to say that I loved them too, all of them. Suprisingly yes, even Cameron.