Messages on a Coffee Cup

Chapter 27

   The burial was a little less painful, but not being able to see her face again still haunted me throughout the procession. The only thing that made it bearable was my entourage, the best anyone could ask for, by my side. On our way to the cemetery in the limousine, the traffic stopped, making it appear as if time stood still. Pedestrians took off their hats and lowered their heads in respect. The prayers were made, the flowers were placed, the dirt was tossed, the cries were heard. My eyes remained dry the entire time with only a deep void of darkness in my heart as I watched my mother's descent into the ground, never to be seen again.

~

   Now flash forward which brings us to no other place than Starbucks. Mom had been gone for two weeks now. I'd forget a bit of her every day but I'd try not to think about it that often. At this point, I was living with my godfather who lived amazingly

close to Kimberly and Ethan, so that was a plus. Kim and Cameron sat beside me, Ethan at my front, all sipping maple machiattos in silence.

   Eager to keep my mind off of the hole in my heart, I broke the silence.

   "Why didn't you wear black to the funeral?" I asked Ethan curiously.

   "I don't know. It's kind of stupid."

   "Go on," I proded.

   "I just think that when you've lost someone you love, it's okay to look for light in the thick fog of depression and what better way to help people do this than to be that beacon they are searching for."

   "You were the beacon of colour in the sea of blackness," I stated.

   "It's a metaphor," he continues, quoting my favorite book. "You see, with sadness and mourning comes realization and enlightenment."

   His statement made me think back to the day of the funeral; the day I figured out that I was surrounded by awesome people. The day I realized. The day I was enlightened by the love around me.

   "You put the pain right in the centre of your heart, but you never give it the darkness to do its hurting," I added, The Fault in Our Stars as reference.

   He put his hand on the table and grabbed mine, fingers entwined, sending a wave of warmth through my entire body. "I love it when you talk literature." 

  With that confirmation, we threw out our empty coffee cups and headed to E and Cameron's house for a late-afternoon Sunday movie marathon. 

~

   My eyes began closing at the end of our fifth movie as Katniss Everdeen pulled the Nightlock and was interrupted by the voice of Claudius Templesmith.

  "Hey," Ethan nudges me awake, "You're missing the

best part." 

   "Ugh. Not even The Hunger Games can keep me up right now."

   He leaned over me and kissed my forehead when he noticed that I hadn't even been paying attention to the last five films we'd watched. Instead, I had been crying. Worried, he placed his forehead on mine and closed his eyes.

   "I'm sorry," I muttered through sniffles, "I've just been thinking a lot about my mom and about death in general and it occurred to me that when I'm with you, the void gets smaller the closer we become."

   "That's a good thing, right?"

   "Yeah, but I'm really scared that the closer we become, the better life gets and that's when I start to think that everything is perfect and nothing could go wrong. But then.."

   "But then," he interrupted, "You lose me?"

   "Yeah," I whispered.

   "Holland, I'm not going anywhere. If you really think you're going to lose me though, then we should hurry and cram everything into one night."

   He stroked my hair and cocked an eyebrow when I finally realized what he's hinting at. Oh my God his freaking eyes were magnificently attractive. One menacing thought kept bubbling in my oh so bipolar mind.

It's now or never, Holland.

   And with that, I latched onto his shoulders and brought him towards me, our bodies pressing together as our lips did the same. I lowered myself, resting my head on the couch, lips still hooked onto Ethan's. In this moment I knew for sure, through the way his lips caressed mine, that I would forever fail to lose the memory of what events were next to come. I just hoped that nothing would go wrong.