wild heart. bws

III

-Stella-

"Stella, please forgive me! I made a mistake." He was tired, I could tell by his eyes, the blue inside them looked way to clear, his eyeballs were way to glassy.

He has been crying or it was because of his lack of sleep.

In some sort of way I felt sorry for him, although it was me whose life changed in a moment of stupidness.

I wanted to scream at him, I wanted to blame someone for it.

It wasn't fair, not at all.

The question I was asking myself since the doctors told me the news was, why me. Why should I be punished?

I didn't do anything wrong. I never did anyone wrong. The fate shouldn't punish me, out of all people. There were living way worse people in this world. Without having to fear punishment.

But little did I know that nobody had fault in this scenario.

Hence I didn't know where to put my anger. Niall was the wrong person.

"It's okay." I didn't want to talk anymore. I had to be alone for some time, clear my head.

I had to forget the idea that this world and it's chances for me were limitless. There are so many things I wanted to do and now I don't even know if doing those things would mean death for me.

Yes, I know, I sound dramatic. Maybe a bit overdramatic. I just couldn't handle this situation.

Serious heart disease.

Could I die?

What If I had died yesterday?

What If Niall would not have found me so quickly?

So many things I was wasting my precious time with, fighting, drinking, smoking, getting into trouble.

My life would have been worthless.

Shortly before my brother found me I had some kind of dream, I saw myself and my life I could have had.

This experience made me realize, every day, every hour, every minute, every second could be the last one and I wasn't ready to leave this world.

"Can we go home now?" I just wanted to go home, in my bed, hiding in my sheets, a safe place to stay.

"You still have to run some tests but you will be home soon enough." My parents were way to silent, were they angry? Or did they just want to be silent? Because they didn't know what to say, I felt the same.

"Can you leave me alone for a bit, please?"

"Sure sweetie, stay safe, bye."

And there I was again, alone with my thoughts.

After some time someone knock on the door, it was Niall.

"I have someone for you, Pheobe is dying to see you."

"Let her in."

Pheobe was my best friend since I could remember. She was always by my side, trough thick and thin. When I was crying over some stupid boy in kindergarten who was hitting me, she was there and told me that he was not worth my tears, it is what he wanted. She was always my voice of reason.

"Thank god, you are alright."

"Of course I am, wouldn't leave you alone in this stupid world"