Above All Else

Chapter Twenty-Eight

I close my tired eyes, pressing my lips to Alexander's head as he falls asleep in my arms. With the long heel of my shoe, I rock the chair slowly. I've been here for almost an hour now, lost in my thoughts. Thoughts that my brain is forcing upon me so I will not come to terms with what I lost in that operating room.

I know I'm lucky to have one child. One perfect, beautiful child. I don't know if I'm a bad person for wishing I could have another as well. If that makes me selfish. I did want more children, as Henry said and now I know he did too.

But we did have the chance to take in Samuel. We would have taken care of him better than anyone else, I know it. The public didn't need to rule our decision. Who knows how they will treat him? We have no clue. Henry just- gave him to them.

Alexander hiccups, clasping onto my dress, his face nudged between my throat and shoulder. I decide to remain here longer, not quite ready to run into Henry yet.

...

Closing Alexander's nursery door partly, I turn, finding all the lights off in our suite. I walk to the bedroom, to see if Henry is in there. I push open the doors, slowly and find him asleep on the bed, still in his suit, the jacket laid out next to him. There are papers on his legs and spread out next to him.

In the dark, I walk towards the closet. I unzip my dress and slip out of my heels, quietly undressing. I grab my nightgown off a hanger and slip into it, tiredly. After braiding my hair messily, I turn, walking to the side of the bed. I reach for the papers by Henry, placing them onto the nightstand.

His bright eyes flicker open. I see them even in the dark. He immediately begins to sit up. "M-Mia... we should-"

"I don't want to," I whisper. "Let's just sleep."

"But-"

"Please," I whisper, moving around the bed. I pull back the covers, climbing in, turning onto my side. My arms hug the pillow tightly, relaxing into the comfort.

I close my eyes.

"I didn't say yes to hurt you," he whispers, after a moment. My eyes open back up slowly. I stare out the window, seeing bright specks of stars.

"... I know," I reply after a moment, closing my eyes again.

...

The first revelation I have when I open my eyes is that Mia is not asleep beside me. However, I've woken before my alarm which goes off at 6am, a time that is foreign to her. That means Mia got up deliberately to avoid me.

I sit up, rubbing my face. The morning light is rising, giving a dull color to the bedroom. I turn, placing my feet onto the ground and heave myself up towards the bathroom. After I shower and pick out one of my endless Parliament-approved suits, I walk from the bedroom, towards Alexander's nursery.

He's not there. Both hands pressed to the entranceway, I stare inside at the furniture, realizing Mia is still angry. Very angry. The longer I stare into the empty room, the more I grow irritated. I told her on multiple occasions that we'd never be able to keep him. I told her to keep her distance. I tried to warn her.

The downside to digging deep into my brain is finding the ability to understand her anger as well... because I do know she expected me to get behind her on this. She expected my support- and as King, I couldn't give it to her.

I had to think of the crown first, as much as I hate to do that. I breathe in, wondering how many times in my career as a monarch I'll have to go against her. The thought is not a pleasant one. I lean off the door frame, turning for the door, knowing I have to find her. My day will be rubbish if I know she's pissed at me.