Above All Else

Chapter Thirty-Three

I stare out the window, just outside of our suite, unable to go far. My heart is pounding fast, my new heart. I have my hand pressed over it, unable to get it to slow and feeling nervous that it won't. I have remind myself that it's a new heart, a healthier one.

I can't calm down. I can't stop feeling fear. Nicole is capable of anything. If she wants something and Henry can't give it to her-

I look down, wiping my tears. I can't think of that. I mustn't.

My head slowly gazes back to the suite doors, wishing half the words I said could be taken back. Wishing he'd never heard them. I didn't want to put blame on him.

I couldn't stop myself. My anger was so overwhelming. Now, I only feel the fear. Fear for Samuel. Fear for us. Fear for what this could do to us.

We barely spent any time with Samuel and yet he is such a large part of our lives.

I attached myself to him the moment I held him. I don't know if it was a mistake or not but I did. And I feel Henry did too and just won't admit it. I feel he has so much power but is terrified of becoming his brother.

I know he thinks of everything, every possible angle and sometimes that is infuriating. I'm so used to him just thinking of us. That will never be the case again... he has the entire United Kingdom to think of too.

I go through the argument in my head, feeling shame for my outbursts. Feeling more anger from his responses. We both were too heated.

I press my hand to the cold window, hoping Samuel is as warm as Alexander is right now before I turn, walking back towards our quarters. It's been hours, I know it by the way my feet ache from standing in one place.

I open the door quietly, immediately closing it behind me. I take the time to wipe the tears that refuse to cease before turning. I stop, finding Henry sitting on the couch in the exact position I was a few hours ago. He looks at me, in pajama pants and nothing else. His face moves off his fisted hand, slowly.

I feel overwhelming relief that he's still waiting up, I'd like to think, for me. My lips tremble as I shuffle in place for a moment before my feet practically fall over the other as I rush to the couch. I press my knees into the cushion, wrapping my arms around him tightly at the same time his do.

"I'm sorry," I breathe, running a hand over his hair. His arms squeeze me tighter.

"I'm sorry too," he says, sighing.

"I didn't mean it," I utter, pulling back. I clasp his face. "Any of it. I could never despise you. This isn't your fault. You did what you thought was best, I know that. I do."

He wipes my tears. "I will find him, I swear it, Mia."

"I know," I whisper. "I know."

He kisses my temple, his lips lingering there. "You will always mean more to me than anything else, you know that? I think of you before I think of them. It will always be that way... I wish I could have given you this, baby. I do."

I nod, pressing my face to his cheek, quietly falling apart.

"I need you to trust me in this," he says, clasping the nape of my neck gently.

"I trust you," I breathe, nodding, kissing his lips softly before tucking my face into his neck, wrapping my arms tightly around his shoulders. "I do."

"Trust me," he whispers, with more emphasis, stroking my hair repeatedly.

...

"You seem... distracted."