I sat on the bathroom floor for a while. I didn't know how to respond. I wasn't mad at him, I couldn't bring myself to be. Best friends fight all the time, it was about time for us to do so. The only thing that made me sad was that I didn't share a big part of me with him by not telling him I was going shopping.
Me: yeah, best friends
Finnie: can I come over?
Me: umm...it's 4 am
Me: but yeah sure come over
Finnie: I'll be there soon
Ten minutes later, he was climbing up the tree next to my window and performing our special "I Snuck Out Of My House For You, Let Me In" knock. He was a pro at getting into my house late at night.
I opened the window and he stumbled in, holding onto my shoulder for support.
"Um, sorry sir, but only gay people come in contact with the same gender," I whispered judgingly. "Shame on you."
He cracked a grin. "No homo."
"That's not what you said when you sucked my dick though."
He let out a loud laugh. Wyatt and Jaeden sat up groggily, rubbing their eyes to adjust to the slight light from outside.
"Jack shut the fuck up," Wyatt groaned, throwing himself backwards and covering his face with the pillow. Finn crossed the room and flicked the light on.
Wyatt groaned louder. Jaeden squinted. "Oh, hey Finn," he greeted, waving before throwing himself back and cuddling up to Wyatt.
"Why the fuck is he here so early," Wyatt's muffled voice complained. "I just stopped being mad at you don't test me Finnip."
Finn giggled. "Stop calling me Finnip. And I'm here to see my best friend."
"Yeah, go back to sleep, losers," I stuck my tongue out every though they couldn't see me and dragged Finn to the bathroom.
I finally took a good look at him. His hair was wild, as always, and he held a large grin like he was just given the world. He wore sweatpants he stole from me and a sweatshirt that said "Grazer" on the front corner. He stole it when we were five. Back then it was way oversized, but now it fit right.
He hugged me tightly. "I'm sorry, Jack. I love you a lot a lot a lot and it was pretty stupid of me to talk to you like that. And pretend not to know you," he laughed, "everything is pretty stupid of me."
I laughed and stuck my face in his neck. "Yeah, it is. But it's okay, we gotta fight sometimes. That's what real macho men do."
"You? Macho? Pshh, you're nothing compared to me," he pulled away, flexing and showing off nothing. "Look at this muscle."
"You couldn't take me in a fight," I mocked.
He grabbed me by the waist, moving his fingers up and down like a million tiny bugs. I squealed and squirmed, trying to get away from him. "Okay! Okay! You could beat me in a fight."
"That's right."
His face was close to me. I could feel his breathing start to become uneven and his heart begin to go wild.
"Jack...remember I told you Millie told me something about myself..."
I nodded, holding my breath. He looked towards my lips then towards my eyes, but he looked worried. I pulled away.
"It's- it's okay to not know," I comforted, knowing what he was hinting at. "I-you don't- I won't-ugh."
"Can-can we try it? As friends!" He rushed the last part, laughing nervously. "As friends. The true best friend buddy pal experience, you know?"
I chuckled nervously. "I've- I'm-nobody's ever kissed me before," I admitted. "But we can try it. As friends. I guess. I think."
He grabbed hold of my waist again. I wrapped my arms around his neck, having to stand in the tips of my feet a bit to reach him. I went in fast, our lips colliding and staying like that for a few seconds. He kissed back instantly.
I didn't feel electricity. Or butterflies. Or a stampede of animals.
I felt a fire, and it burned deep throughout my body, and it hurt. It hurt because I knew that what he wanted was the opposite of what I wanted. I wanted this to be more than friends, I wanted him to love me the way I'd fallen in love with him.
We pulled away slowly, and he took his hands off of my waist. I wrapped my arms around myself, waiting for him to run out and stop talking to me again.
"Well, fuck," he laughed, his eyes lighting up when he looked at me. "I'm gay, Jackie."
________
uhHHg I DoNT LiKE hoW I WrItE
