Lights| BTS

| | 02 | |

She pulls out a chair so I can wheel myself into the space. Hayoon continues to stand gazing around the almost empty canteen.

"Shall we grab some food? I heard the jelly here wasn't as bad as they make out in the movies." She laughs.

I keep a straight face refusing to answer. She nervously looks around and then walks over to me pulling her drip with her.

She contemplates whether she should push me over there or not but before she can I quickly wheel myself over to the buffet. I grab a tray placing it on the side. I reach it will a little difficulty but I mange to push it along and just see what the options are. A older woman with a hair nett and gloves smiles down at me.

"Hello dear, what would you like?" She asks gently.

I don't reply I just nod my head at the food indicating what I'd like.

"Kimchi?" She asks scooping some up and placing it onto my plate.

I send her a lazy smile and push the tray then push myself.

"Rice?"

I nod and she places it onto my plate. My plate has a substantial amount of food on it so when I get to the end of the line I nod my head at the woman thanking her.
I lift the tray onto my lap slowly making sure I don't spill the milk. When it's on my lap I let out a shaky breath relieved.

I wheel myself back to the table but the Hayoon still isn't here. I shrug and lift the tray onto the table. I stare at my tray unsure if I even wanted to eat it.

A pot of jelly plops down in front of me. I look up to the the girl hovering over me with her again another box grin. She shrugs then walks around to on the chair in front of me.

I stare at the jelly still with a blank expression.

"I hope you like raspberry jelly... They didn't have any other flavour - shows how good it is." She beams digging into her food.

"So I know you don't talk... But what am I suppose to call you?" She asks her mouth full of rice.

I look away from her. I take my hat off to ruffle my hair then I place it back on. I'm about to talk but then I don't. I just shrug in reply.

"Okay... Well can I look at your patient ID?" Hayoon asks hopefully.

I shrug again in reply and extend my wrist to her. She hold my wrist delicately like it was made of China. She narrows her eyes and looks at the small print.

"NA?" She reads slowly her chocolate brown eyes reach mine.

I nod. "You don't have a name?" She asks clearly confused by this. She let's go of my wrist and just stares at me.

I don't make eye contact but pull my arm back defensively and just try to eat the food in front of me. She sighs but begins to eat as well.

"I'm seventeen by the way... Do you know how old you are?" She asks abruptly.

I shrug. But don't reply.

She clears her throat. "So are you eighteen?"

I shake my head. "Nineteen?" She asks putting some sushi into her mouth.

I shrug . "Nineteen?" She repeats again. I shrug once again and begin to eat the rice.

"I'm guessing you don't know that either then..." She sighs

She moves her head as if she's thinking about something.

"Okay! Well eat deliciously." She smiles so we both do just that.

•••

The nurse wheels me back to my room after I'd been to the toilet. She helps me get back into my bed and makes sure I'm comfortable.

"Your doctor will be here soon." Nurse Choi says staring at me intensely.

I nod. "Well... Tell me if you need anything." She says knowing very well I wasn't going to ask for anything even if I did want something.

She sighs then leaves the room sliding the door close behind her. I couldn't help but think about that girl I'd met earlier. She was so kind to me but I couldn't even be bothered to talk to her... It wasn't that I couldn't be bothered it was that I couldn't seem to speak... Not just to her but to everyone.

I've been here in hospital for a little over a week now. They told me I was in a car accident but before that I'd already had bruises and a few broken rips they think I must of been involved in a fight or something but I don't remember. I don't remember anything. The accident or the fight. In fact... I don't even know my name. I was left with amnesia and legs that don't work... Or if you want the medical term paralysed.

The doctors told me that this might not be permanent.. I maybe able to walk again but as of now I'm paralysed from the waist down. I need help getting changed, washing even using the toilet. Sometimes I'd randomly get angry, or sad the emotions would appear out of nowhere. Deep down my heart ached and I felt a great deal of pain and sorrow but I wasn't sure why. It probably had to do with my lost memories.

There was a light knock at the door distracting me from my thoughts. After a short while the door opens and my doctor walks in. He looks the same as he did a week ago when I was lying down just finding out I was paralysed. The fear I felt was something I was sure I'd never felt before.

"Hello..." The doctor says pushing his glasses further up his nose.

I don't even look at him. I just stare at the dull white sheets.

"Have you started to remember anything?" He asks walking around my bed and going to get the clipboard out of the front.

I think for a second. The girl seemed familiar somehow... I'm not sure how or why but I felt like I'd met her before. I just shrug.

"... Since we don't know your name we were wondering if you'd like to come up with one? We need something to call you by." He says finally putting the clipboard back and looking up with me.

I think for a second. 'What do I want my name to be?' Then suddenly a name forms in my mind. I wince as I mouth the words my chest tightens and I feel like bursting into tears.

"Are you okay?" He asks concerned walking closer to me.

"...Jimin." I choke out.