Not Ashamed

'Chapter Four ×

By seven o'clock pm, I've finished all my homework. I lay the pages gently in my backpack, them already having been crumpled from my panic this morning.

I sigh, laying my head on my desk, but I make a conscious effort not to fall asleep. My neck still feels stiff from sleeping that way last night.

Axel walks in, Margo trailing after him, the both of them laughing happily.

"Are you still working, Finn?" Axel asks, walking over to my side. "Do you ever have a break?"

"I think I'm good on breaks, thank you."

"Well, me and Margo were going to go out for a bit. Wanna join us?"

I sigh, ready to refuse, but I take a moment to think about it. It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if I made friends in my first week of university. Isn't it a saying that the friends you meet in college will be your friends forever?

"Sure," I reply, shrugging. Axel smiles.

We leave the dorms, walking around campus and people watching.

"So Finn, Axel tells me you're going to be a lawyer," Margo says conversationally. I stare down at my scruffy converse.

"Yeah. I'm guessing you're an actor like Axel?"

"You guessed correctly. Acting is my passion, but I'm not a Theatre geek like Axy. I want to be in the movies."

"Hey! I'm not a geek!" Axel pouts, his blue eyes glimmering.

"Whatever you say," Margo mutters with a chuckle, smirking at him fondly.

"What about you? You're obsessed with Harry Potter. You're a giant Harry Potter nerd."

"Yeah, and I'm proud of it." She smirks, sticking her tongue out at him. I see a connection between them, and before my natural censor can stop me, I say,

"So, how long have you two been together?"

Margo and Axel exchange a look before the both of them burst into laughter. So much so, in fact, that they have to stop and lean against each other so they don't lose balance.

"Okay okay, could you at least tell me why I'm an idiot?" I ask, amused but slightly annoyed.

"I'm sorry," Axel breaths, clearly having trouble to contain his laughter. "No way could me and Margo be together."

"I'm about as gay as they come, baby," Margo boasts, winking at me. I gasp into a laugh, her bluntness catching me off guard.

"Wow, okay," I mutter. "And you?" I look to Axel, who has a big grin on his face.

"Homo - sexual." He sings. "What about you?"

"Oh, I, um... I'm not gay."

"That's a shame," Margo says, looking suggestively between the two of us. "You look exactly like Axel's type."

Axel elbows Margo in the side, his face turning as red as a tomato, but a grin still playing on his lips.

"Margo, how about shutting up?" he practically begs. Margo sticks out her tongue.

"Never heard of such a thing."

"I swear you two could totally be mistaken for a couple," I comment with a laugh.

"No way, I'm out of my beard period. I'm gay and I'm here to stay!" Margo bellows. People walking all around us glance at her, but she seems to glow in their stares. Axel, too. I, however, find myself wanting to run away, escape. I keep my feet going in a steady rhythm with the others, hoping my embarrassment isn't obvious.

There's a loud text tone and Margo pulls out her phone. As she checks it, she pouts. She looks up at the two of us, the same pout still on her face.

"Sorry, guys. Chloes an idiot and got herself locked out of our room. Meet up with you later?"

"Yeah, sure," Axel grins, giving Margo a side hug goodbye. But, to my surprise, instead of Margo running off to the dorms, she hugs me. I hesitate for a moment before awkwardly wrapping my arms around her. She stays for a moment before pulling away, giving us a wave and running off.

Me and Axel continue our walk in a half awkward silence. After a while, the silence becomes unbearable and I decide to say something.

I bump my shoulder against Axel's, teasingly saying, "I'm your type, eh?"

Axel let's out an embarrassed, breathy laugh. "I'm going to kill Margo."

"So, it's true then? You have a type?"

Axel shrugs. "Doesn't everyone?"

"I don't," I insist. Axel gives me a disbelieving look, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Oh really?" He says. "You're telling me that you don't have a certain type of girl that you radiate around?"

"Yes, that's exactly what I'm telling you."

Axel scoffs. "I don't believe it for a second."

I roll my eyes. "It's true!"

"Yeah, okay."

"Fine, tell me then, Mr Know-it-all, what is my type?"

Axel thinks for a moment before responding. "You look your type would be... Artsy chicks, definitely people more bubbly and humourous than you. Someone... happy."

"And why do you say that?"

Axel shrugs, his amused smile falling for a wistful one. "You just look like you need someone happy in your life. Someone to build you up."

My eyes slowly trail up to Axel's face, but he isn't looking at me. He has a small smile on his face as he gazes at his shoes.

"This took a... sentimental turn."

Axel laughs, nodding his head.
"I guess so. Sorry."

"No problem."

Unexpectedly, Axel puts a hand on my arm and haults my walking. When I turn to look at him, all traces of laughter is stripped from his face.

"Finn, can I ask you a question? You have to answer honestly."

I stare at him, then smile awkwardly. "Uh, sure."

"Are you happy?"

I take a deep breath, and surprisingly, this is a question I really have to think about...

And lie about.

"Yes, I am."