Translation of Love

15

Slide

I've been powering through school this past week, seeing Taeyoung only once. My father has started to text me again quite feverishly. I think because there is a Korean holiday called Chuseok coming up, something like Thanksgiving I think? He keeps asking me to come visit for the holidays. I just reply saying I'm busy with school. But it is no use.

He called me for the second time in my life. At first, he didn't say anything, just deeply sighed. I could almost imagine him massaging his brow in annoyance, except I don't really know what he looks like, so I couldn't.

"Please."

The sadness in his voice left me speechless for a moment. I began to grow nervous, heart palpitating, two sides of my conscience arguing.

I ended up saying yes.

***

The day that I am supposed to go over is this upcoming weekend, only a day away. I wish it was a month away, or even a year. He gave me instructions on what trains and buses to take to get to his house. He offered to pick me up but I refused. Since it is relatively far, he told me to sleep over. As much as I don't want to, the long trip two times in one day on a holiday doesn't leave me much choice.

I'm packing a few things now, wishing with every ounce of my being that I didn't have to do this. The anxiety becomes too much for me, so I drop what I'm doing and text Taeyoung.

소희: Can I see you now?

태영: Sure, I'll come to you

When he arrives, I'm relieved to see normal clothes; a sweater and jeans. Ever since that day when he came straight after a photo shoot, I've been nervous every time I meet him.

His hair is still offensively light and his face unbelievably attractive.

He gives me a small smile, lips pulled into a taut and incredibly straight line. So cute.

"What's up? Everything okay?" He asks me in Korean, something he's been doing more and more lately in an effort to help me learn the language faster.

"I'm fine. I just wanted to see you." The words make my cheeks blush. I can't get used to being so honest with him. His smile grows even wider, his hand coming down to ruffle my hair.

"Hey," I growl, flattening out my hair again.

"Sorry, I have a tendency to pet cute things." He laughs at me, as my eyes glare at him.

"You know, I didn't choose to be born this short." We start walking away from the dorm.

"I like how short you are." His arm lands on top of my head, resting there as we walk.

"Hey! I'm not an armrest!" He bursts out into his deep, infectious laughter.

I wish I could stay in this moment forever so that I didn't have to meet my father.

***

We end up window shopping for a few hours. Taeyoung buys me a baseball cap, reminding me that the one I was wearing the day it rained on us was left outside, and got taken away by the wind. He fits it onto my head but it falls to one side. He chuckles, taking it off and tightening the strap in the back, "Maybe you're too small." I hit his arm.

Then we go out to eat, I end up scarfing down a hot plate of 불고기 [bulgogi].

"You know, for a small thing you can eat a lot."

"Enough with the short-people insults."

"아, 너무 귀엽다 [Ah, you're so cute]." I blush at the Korean words that I've come to hear quite often from Taeyoung.

The sun begins to set as he takes me back to campus. Our pace is slow, our conversation halted. I'm thinking about tomorrow again, and I know he knows I'm thinking about something I don't want to.

I end up tripping over my own feet, stumbling a bit before composing my self again. He reaches his arm out to hold onto me. I can tell he's giving me a questioning look.

When we walk past a small playground he grabs my hand, making my thoughts disappear like a puff of smoke. We stand in the darkness of the park, lights shining on both of us.

"Sohee, what's wrong?" His deep voice vibrates as his words come out soft as whispers.

I hesitate, staring at his chest. His hands come to each side of my face, consuming my head with his fingers. He tilts my head up, forcing me to look him in the eye. That's when I realize there are tears in my eyes, not yet fallen.

"Its—" I hiccup, "it's—" Despite my fear, his eyes are soft, comforting as they gaze into my blurred ones. "My father. I'm meeting him tomorrow for the first time in my life." I'm able to force those words out before the collected tears collapse and fall down my face.

"I'm—so—scared." The words come out between my sobs as my body begins to shake.

He looks at me for a bit with concern before grabbing my hand and walking to a vacant red slide. He sits down on the edge of the slide, using his hands to guide me to sit on his lap, my legs hanging off to one side. Then his hands move to the back of my head, softly pushing my face into his chest. I wrap my arms around his neck and curl into a ball on him.

As soon as the world is shut off to my eyes, I begin to cry.

"What do I do? I don't even know him." His hand rubs circles on my back, his other arm wrapped around my waist. He leans his head down so that his lips kiss the top of my head, then he whispers to me that it'll be okay.

"My mother—" I lift my head from his chest. His hands continue to rub circles, comforting me, making me vulnerable to him. "My mother passed away. That's why I'm here. They sent me here."

Emotions swirl in his eyes for a bit, but he composes himself again. This brings a new wave of sobs, and I lean my head against his chest again, this time looking sideways to the dark playground.

After a while, I hear the soft whistle of air being pushed out of Taeyoung's nose quickly.

"Sohee-yah," his voice is strong, deep, but his eyes are soft as he looks down at me. "It's going to be okay. I'm here now. I can't compare to your mother, but I'll do whatever I can to help you get through this—get through anything."

His words cause my sobs to cease, wide eyes staring into his own.

"정말로 [Really]?" The word comes out in Korean so naturally that he smiles softly at me.

"정말로 [Really]" He replies.

We spend a bit longer there, waiting for my sobs to stop completely, and then just sitting together, me in his arms. When my heart has relaxed, matching the beat of his own, I reluctantly get up, and Taeyoung follows.

He holds my hand the rest of the way back.

. . .

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Love,

Sooaura