Not The Same | Nick Clark | FTWD

Part 11

I sat on the edge of Nick's bed, the dim light of a single candle flickering throughout the dark room as my thoughts ran wild-- something I wish they'd do less of.
The world is changing so fast that trying to keep up just seems like a sick joke, one where the punchline is never told and you're left to wonder what happens next.
Each decision I made had me second guessing what I stood for and whose team I was on. It was no question that all I wanted was what was best for Nick, but at the end of the day, he's the only one who knows what's truly best, and that's where I seem to get lost.
Nick is an addict through and through, and as much as I hated it, I have no idea what he's going through-- what he feels like and what his body needs mentally or physically. All I can do is be on his side.

I turned my head as the door to his room opened, his tired frame quietly walking in as he closed the door behind him.

"I was wondering where you were," I stated lowly, annoyance present in my voice, "Did you get your fix?"

He rubbed at his eye, nodding slightly in response as he used his free hand to brace himself against the wall.

Before he walked in through the door, I was mad at him, just like I always was when he was using, but now seeing him.. it just made my heart hurt.

I stood up, grabbing his arm as I brought him over to the bed, sitting on the edge again as I pushed the hair out of his face, quickly feeling his forehead; the image reflecting one of a stray puppy-- desperate and weak.

I turned his face towards the candle light, the flame flickering over his dilated pupils as I sighed, "Do your best to stay away from the soldiers-- they all seem too trigger happy and we don't need them getting the wrong idea."

"I know," He nodded, "Don't worry."

I sighed, "What're you taking?"

"One of uh-" he paused, rubbing at his eyes again, "One of the people Liza's taking care of is on a morphine drip-"

"Morphine?" I breathed, "Nick, you know how fast withdrawal will hit with that."

"Yeah," his rough voice groaned, "I'm feeling it."

I let out a quick breath, standing up as I dug through the pile of clothes on the ground, pulling the single OxyContin from Madison out from my jeans pocket before holding it out to Nick.

"Is this from earlier today?" He asked as he eagerly took the pill from my hand.

I nodded, handing him my glass of water from the nightstand.

"Could you crush it for me?" He asked, holding it back out to me.

"No-- either take it whole or don't take it at all." I shook my head, holding the glass closer to him.

He stopped for a moment before taking the glass and swallowing the pill; a wash a guilt flowing over me with eat sip of water he took.

"Is it ever going to stop, Nick?" I asked as he handed me back the glass, setting it down again on the nightstand.

"I don't know." He shrugged, shaking his head before looking back up at me, "I'm sorry, Han."

"I know." I breathed as I stood in front of him, placing a kiss on his forehead before his arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer as he tilted his head back-- our lips like magnets before I pulled away.

"We should really get to sleep." I insisted as I pushed back his messy hair again, his eyes locked on my face as he ran his bottom lip between his teeth.

"I love you." He murmured, our eyes now locked again.

"I love you too." I said back as I kissed his lips once more, knowing what I felt for him was real but hating myself every time I helped him feed his addiction, even if it was for the best.

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Shorter chapter, but I wanted to show a bit more of the dynamic between Hannah and Nick.

What're your thoughts so far?