Not The Same | Nick Clark | FTWD

Part 13

Cool water pooled in my hands before I brought it up to my face, letting it splash over my skin before I looked up at my reflection in the mirror-- my tired eyes not gaining anything from the nap, nor did my overstressed mind.

I quickly dried my face before heading downstairs, the amount of time I slept unknown to me, but at the same time, who was really keeping track anymore? The days seemed longer than they used to be, filled with less and less hope as each one passed.

I scanned the inside of the fridge, happy to see that it was still semi full, but dissatisfied with the selection in front of me.

"Hannah?" I heard Madison call loudly, followed by the slamming of a door, "Hannah-" she stopped as she spotted me in the kitchen, "Did you know?" She asked, her tone direct and filled with impatience.

"Know what?" I asked confused, sleep still coursing through my mind as her loud voice only made it harder to sort my thoughts.

"About Nick-- that he's using again? That that's why he's not taking his pills-- did you know?" She interrogated, the puzzle pieces finally fitting together, "I just caught him tearing through the Ramirez's place, trying to get his hands on god knows what!"

I stayed silent, letting out a sigh as I ran my fingers through the length of my hair, unsure what to say. My intentions of withholding what Nick was doing was never to hurt anyone, but even if I explained that to Madison, I knew she wouldn't care; Nick is her child and if he wasn't doing what she believed was right, then everything was wrong.

She scoffed as she shook her head, "And you wanted to put a bad come down on me? Well, now whatever happens to him is on you."

"So be it," I nodded, grabbing a cold bottle of water from the fridge door before closing it, walking past Madison, "Wouldn't be the first time you put all of your son's problems on me."

***

I pushed open the door to the Ramirez's house as my eyes scanned the kitchen in front of me, "Nick?" I called, getting no response before I continued into the house.

I briefly stopped in my tracks as I saw Nick sitting against the back wall of the living room, his head on his knees-- a picture perfect image of just one of the outcomes of addiction.

I walked over to where he was, pushing aside the miscellaneous debris that was scattered on the floor around him with my foot, before quietly sitting beside him. I pulled my knees up to my chest, nearly mirroring his image before I leaned over, leaving a soft kiss on the fabric that covered his shoulder.

"I love you." I whispered before his head tiredly rose, finding a place against me as he shifted his body to match.

I ran my hand over the side of his face, pushing his disheveled hair back as I listened to his ill rhythmed breathing.

I can honestly say that I believe Nick was the reason I've never tried a drug harder than weed. Not only was he always very against the thought of me using, but seeing what all these substances have done to him over the years.. terrified me.

***

I watched our hands as our fingers mindlessly intertwined with each other as we both sat back against the wall, perfectly content with being alone together, despite the circumstances.

"Do you remember that time I got really sick and you showed up at my apartment to be with me?" I asked softly, "Even though none of us had actually heard from you in nearly a month."

He leaned his head back, squeezing my hand as a small chuckle escaped his lips, "Not a lot of it, honestly-- not the beginning at least."

"What do you remember?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Well, I remember looking at messages from you, one specifically where you called me an asshole." He paused, smirking as I held back a laugh, "Uh, then I was at your door.. and with you on the couch and that's kinda it before I started coming down."

"You stayed with me the whole time, even when you started going into withdrawal."

"Yeah, well I didn't want you feeling like shit alone." His raspy voice admitted before he let out a chuckle, rubbing at his face, "I was stupid."

"You were sweet!" I scoffed, laying my head on his shoulder, "You've always been so good to me.."

"I always thought you should've had better." He murmured, playing with our hands again.

I lifted my head as my eyebrows furrowed, looking to him, "Do you still think that?"

He stayed quiet, quiet enough for me to hear my own heart breaking over the person I cared for so much.

"Nick, you're all I've ever wanted in this world.." I admitted, "I can't imagine anyone making me as happy as you do."

"I just wish I could've given you more." He mumbled, shrugging as he brought the water bottle up to his lips.

"I don't." I said honestly, getting his attention as he gave me a questioning look, "Every memory you've given me is something I'll cherish until the day I can't anymore."

He nodded, looking back at our hands as a slight smirk pulled on he corner of his mouth, "Even that time I snuck into your room at your parents old place and your dad nearly killed me?"

I smiled, the memory coming back to light, "To be fair, he warned us multiple times before."

"Yeah.." Nick laughed before getting a bit quieter again, letting out a sigh, "When was the last time you talked to them?"

"I've been trying to get them to pick up for the past few weeks," I admitted, shaking my head, "They've just been distancing themselves from me after the whole moving out fiasco."

Nick nodded, leaning his head back against the wall, "They never really liked me at all, did they?"

I shrugged, "All they saw you as was a junky that was taking their daughter away from them.. they didn't know anything else about you." I explained, resting my head on his shoulder, "They didn't know how caring and smart you are, or even just how important you are to me-"

"They did everything to keep us apart." Nick's low voice mumbled.

I sighed, lifting my head again, "Your mom always let us stay together though."

"Yeah, 'cause she figured out that was the only way to get me off the streets."

I bit at my bottom lip as I turned my head, watching the face in front of me that carried so many bottled up feelings of the kid who never felt good enough for anyone, not even himself, "She loves you, Nick." I breathed as his eyes hesitantly found mine, "Your mom cares so much about you-- that's why she's always fought so hard for you when everyone else didn't want to."

He nodded quietly, "I just don't want to talk about it right now."

"I know," I nodded back, "But sometimes you have to."

_____
I came up with the concept for this chapter at like 1am a few days ago and quickly wrote the whole thing down in my notes, and now, here it is!

I hope you guys are enjoying this book and the relationship Nick and Hannah have.

Also, I'm also open to answer any questions you may have, so don't be afraid to ask!