Not The Same | Nick Clark | FTWD

Part 16

I stumbled out of the house, my head spinning as I heard my heartbeat thump loudly in my ears. This couldn't be happening-- everything that I feared the most could not be happening.

I bent over as I reached the road, placing my hands on my thighs as I desperately tried to get a handle on my breathing; the hyperventilating causing shooting pain to soar through my body with each inhale. But without warning, my breathing soon turned to heavy sobs-- the emotion being uncontrollable as I wished I could just have one more minute with him.

"Hannah! Han!" I heard Madison call from behind me before her hands were soon on my shoulders, pulling me into her chest, "We're going to figure this out, ok? We- we're going to get him back-"

"What if they-" I began, tears coating my cheeks before she stopped me.

"They didn't-- we have to believe that."

I pulled back, "And what if they did? You know what withdrawal does, Madison, they- they won't care about him if they think he's infected!"

She sighed, running her hands over her face as she tried her hardest to do what moms did best; be strong in the wake of disasters.

"I want him back.." I cried before she wrapped her arms around me once more, pulling me near her as emotion poured out.

"I know, I know, we're gonna get him-- Daniel will figure something out."

***

I stood under the cool shower water, the temperature helping my body become as numb as my mind was; tears no longer able to flow after hours of self pity.

I couldn't tell you what I would give up for Nick, because the list is vast and endless and filled with things that no one could live without. All of my favorite things-- everything I've ever loved, I'd give for him. My fondest memory.. I'd give that up in a heartbeat just to see him smile one more time. Water, food, shelter, air-- I'd give it all just to know that he was ok.

I turned off the shower faucet, slicking the water out of my hair before I grabbed a towel and lightly wrapped it around my bruised torso.
As I stood in front of the finger print covered mirror, a tired expression covering my face, I slowly let the towel drop to the floor, sighing over the damaged image I saw.
I turned side to side, the color from the quick forming bruises painting a picture perfect for a horror show.

I sighed again as I heard knocks on the bathroom door, picking back up my towel and throwing it around myself, "Yeah?" I asked, my voice more scratchy than normal.

"I need you to pack up whatever you and Nick have," Madison's voice came from outside the door, "We need to leave as soon as we can-"

I stop her as I quickly cracked open the door, a confused expression on my face, "Where are we going? What about-"

"We're going to go get Nick," she shushed me, "Daniel got information about where the treatment facility is."

"Ok, I- I- I'll be down in a second." I nodded, feeling in shock by the news I was just given as a single spark of hope finally lit back up.

***

I found it hard to think clearly as I shoved articles of clothing into my backpack, not even sure what to grab, before my eyes ran across the picture that laid on the nightstand.
My fingers delicately grabbed at the corner, knowing that this may end up being the last thing I have to remember Nick by, before I carefully tucked it into one of the front pockets of the bag.
Madison was right, we have to believe that Nick is still ok, even if it was so hard to do so. He's been through hell and back, dragging us with him along the way, but at some point everyone's luck has to run out.. I just hope that his wasn't on empty.

***

"You doing ok?" Alicia asked as I walked out to the car, tossing my bag through the open passenger side window.

I pursed my lips together, shrugging, not knowing what to say because I hated being seen as weak, but that's the only way I felt right now. Not only was I physically hurt and in more pain than I had ever experienced, but mentally and emotionally.. I felt so drained.

"We're gonna get him back." Alicia said lowly as she leaned against the side of the car, "Nick's bullet proof-- you said it yourself."

"Nick isn't the only one we have to get," Chris added from the backseat, his tone filled with annoyance and angst, "In case you guys forgot."

Alicia sighed, looking over to me before I nodded, looking through the window, "We aren't leaving until we find everyone we're going there for-- it's not even a question, Chris."

"Hannah, Alicia, get in the car-- we're leaving, now." Madison called as she made her way out the front door.

I let my eyes scan the outside of the house that had unintentionally become a second home to me over the years-- a place with so many memories, good and bad, and a place where I felt the most joy with the ones who made me feel like family, especially when my own wanted nothing to do with me.

Leaving here meant a chapter in my life was closing, and I knew that, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't terrified of what the next chapter would hold.

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