Not The Same | Nick Clark | FTWD

Part 27

I followed behind Madison as we found Strand in the control room of the boat, "Travis has Nick; they're coming back." She said breathlessly.

"Good," he said as he looked over all of the gears in front of him, "But this boat's gonna on us."

"What boat?" I asked, glancing through the window in front of us, "Who the hell-"

"Right here," he pointed to the small screen, "They're doing a good 25 knots-- they're flying."

"How fast can we go?" Madison asked as Strand sat back in his seat.

"Full out-- 20." He admitted, "But that'll work the engines too hard; we need a head start."

"You think that's the boat that killed those people?"

"Why would anyone be out here to do that, though?" I added, too many things still happening at once for me to be able to fully process them all.

Strand looked over to us, "You want to wait and ask them?"

***

"I know I shared my booze with you and it may be impolite to ask, but what the hell are you still doing up here?" Strand questioned, barely glancing over to me as I sat off to the side, everyone finally back on board.

"Because I know once I go back down there I might push Nick overboard." I stated dully, earning a small chuckle from Strand.

"Trouble in paradise?" He joked, looking out over the water ahead of us as he continued monitoring the speed.

"You saw what he did-"

"And is that any different than what he's done before?" Strand cut me off, looking back to me, "I think your love for him clouds your true judgement, and you, Ms. Hannah Waynes, are not a dumb girl."

"You sure?" I questioned, humor in my tone, "I don't know if anyone smart would stay with an addict after years of hell."

"Oh, I'm sure." He hummed.

I let out a quiet sigh, resting my hand in my palm as I leaned against the side of the chair, trying to plan out my next move, knowing this may be my only moment of silence for awhile.

"Hannah?" Nick's voice called, causing me to let out an exhausted chuckle as Strand looked back at me, a sarcastic pity look on his face.

"I'm going to ask you kindly not to push him off the boat-- we really don't have time to make another unscheduled stop."

"Hannah?" Nick called again as I stood up, making my way past him right as he came up the stairs, "Hannah-- hey-"

"Not right now." I murmured, pulling my arm from his grasp as I went below deck, just wanting time to process my thoughts and feelings towards the situation.

"Hey--" He said again, his tone more hushed as he spun me around in the narrow hallway, "What's going on with you?"

"Nick, you could've died out there!" I snapped at him, "You- you never think before you do anything-"

"Well what the hell was I supposed to do?" He spit back, his hair still wet, "Should I have just left him out there-"

"Yes!" I cut him off, "He's not your responsibility-"

"He's family, Han!" Nick continued, following behind me as I annoyedly headed to one of the rooms, "You know I had to do something.." He breathed, standing opposite to me on the other side of the door way, "He's going through a lot right now."

I shook my head lightly, "Yeah well, just don't pretend like he'd do the same thing for you." I reminded before closing the door between us.

I threw my head in my hands as I found a seat on the bottom bunk, feeling like I was beginning to go against my own morals because I was too busy being preoccupied with Nick's safety-- something I knew I needed to work on.
But Nick was right, Chris is family, and if it would've come down to it and it had to be done, I would have dove in after him too. It just hurts to know that my prior statement still stands-- Chris wouldn't have done the same for Nick, not immediately anyway. They had a more tense relationship than you would expect, but it wasn't surprising though, considering how Liza viewed Nick.
But Nick going in after Chris wasn't the only thing that was bugging me, it's that he stayed in even after knowing that the water was filled with the infected.

"Han?" Nick's voice said softly from the other side of the door.

I let out a sigh, repeating myself, "Not now."

I lifted my head as the door was heard in front of me, another sigh begging to leave my lips as Nick leaned on the doorframe, "My mom already reamed me for all of it-- I know it was dumb-"

I stopped him, pushing my hair out of my face as I sat up, "It wasn't dumb, it's-" I shook my head, "You seem to care about everyone but yourself." I admitted, "And if it's not one of us than it's some stranger-"

"So if someone was out there you'd just want me to leave them?" He asked, stopping me.

"No, it's just-" I stopped, shaking my head as I stood up, pushing past him, "I don't know what I would want, ok?"

"Hannah, come on-"

"No Nick-- I'm done." I cut him off, leaving back up the stairs as my heart and my mind felt like they were battling each other to the death; no perfect outcome in sight.

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