BTS Oneshots

Hoseok X Reader Pt.1

Hoseok was never the same again after the death of his wife. No longer did his smile radiate like the sun, no longer did his laughter ring infectiously. Days after his wife's death, he locked himself inside his house with his daughter, tormented by the questions of her young mind.

"Where's mommy?" she constantly asked.

And he knew she was innocent. He knew that his daughter knew nothing and that you had wanted to keep it that way. Everything you had done was to protect both of them. You had shouldered all of the pain and the burden. He was angry at himself, at you, at the world. Why had things sequenced themselves so cruelly? Why, when he just realized how precious and irreplaceable you were in his life, did you have to be taken away? He would give anything for a few more months, a few more days, a few more hours. He had so many places he wanted to show you, so many things to say, so much love to give. But he didn't use the time he had been given with you, as he had promised, and he regretted it dearly.

He didn't deserve you. You didn't deserve the neglect. You didn't deserve to be married to him, to live a life where you had to fight for attention and love, where you couldn't lean on him when you needed him most. What kind of husband had he been, to not notice your weight loss, the frailty of your once energetic figure, the silence and hesitancy in your words and actions? There had been so many signs that he had been too blind to notice. If he had just paid attention, he could've coerced you to open up to him. Then maybe he would've known, he wouldn't have been so stupid and blind. Then with his love, you might've been cured miraculously. With his support, you would've been more determined to live. If you didn't have to hide and be cautious, you could've done what you always wanted to with your limited time left. You three could've been the kind of family that you two used to dream and giggle about, even for a little while.

But maybe these were all excuses...would things really have been different? Would he have truly learned his lesson if you had lived? Would he have valued your presence if you were still around? He had heard it said so many times in his life, but now he truly felt the weight of the words that stated, "You never know what you had until it is lost." He was afraid of himself. He was frightened of who he had become. Why did it take your life ending for him to realize it?

He held onto his daughter tightly every night, the only piece of you he could grasp onto. Since he wasn't home a lot before as she was growing up, he never realized how much she had taken after you. Her mannerisms, the way she talked in a matter-of-fact tone, the way she brushed her hair out of her eyes, even the small crease that furrowed between her brows when she was concentrated on something – she had clearly adopted them from you.

Hope.

How appropriate.

The two of you had named your daughter that, for you had placed on her all of your dreams, the beautiful future of having a family.

At first, she constantly looked for her mother. A young child, ignorant to the toll of sickness and death, and Hoseok couldn't bring himself to tell her the truth. So he found various ways to avoid and stray from the topic, until it was never brought up anymore. And they fell into a routine; the comfortable life of two. And Hoseok poured every single fiber of his love into taking close care of his daughter, your daughter.

And after your untimely departure, Hoseok never looked at another. He never dared. The pain was too unbearable. How could he? How could he love another if he never properly loved the woman he had vowed to love forever? How could he take care of another person, if he didn't even notice that the person he had spent his life with was sick? He couldn't. He couldn't trust himself. And he didn't want to move on, so he shut himself off from any advances that he received, because it all reminded him of you, of what he had done to you, and of how things had ended.