Torn (harry styles)

55- Dwelling

I sit alone at the end of my bed, dwelling over my loss of... Harry.

The empty nauseating feeling inside me, reminding me I couldn't contact him even if I wanted to.

No Harry for more than a week, I have no idea how I'm going to manage this.

My feelings for him are so deep, so complex that only he can revive him from this heart ache.

So now here I am, day one of my Harry withdrawal and symptoms are already showing.

I'm sitting and staring at a blank wall. A plain black white wall.

A white wall.

A clean bright white wall.

There is a small black smudge on the wall.

All of a sudden it is the evening time, I'm a sad, sad person.

It's really pathetic of me to just have say and done nothing all day.

But there's not much I can do, I don't feel like talking to mum. I can't sleep, I'm not hungry, and I can't go out.

Day two comes sooner than expected but equally as pain staking.

Day two I receive two text messages.

My heart pulses and hopes for them to be from Harry, but they weren't.

*u feeling ok? Haven't been in college 4 a while.* from Niall.

*wherre are youuu?* from Evie.

Wow.

*yeah I'm alright, bit sore.* I send to Niall.

*at home recovering, how's college?:)* I send to Evie.

Feels weird using the smiley face emoji but not actually smiling...

*are u ok 2 go out tomorr nite? Drinks at pub with the gang:)* Niall sends and I sigh.

*maybe, yeah.* i reply.

My whole world feels like it's turning slowly.

Harry's harsh words from before repeat in my mind. Scolding me like someone has poured acid on my brain.

Whether he meant them or not, it still hurts to hear them straight from his tongue and directed at me.

I just don't like it.

Day three, the ache lessens and my mind clears a little. There is still an internal force, pulling me down into hell.

I see Harry everywhere. Everything reminds me of him.

The white wall has now become a reminder that he sometimes wears white T shirts.

The butterfly charm reminds me of him also.

So many things around my house seem to replicate him or remind me of him in some way I'm actually going to go mad.

This can't be a normal reaction.

Ice cream scoops, one after another slowly begin to soothe the deadly embers. Whirl-pooling inside my vacant torso.

I have to get out.

*Im up for tonight if that's still on. Which pub?* I text Niall. I need some fresh air.

*Sampson's Pints. 8 o'clock! :)* Niall replies instantly.

*see you there.* I send.

*ok:)*

It's 4pm. So I have enough time to get an hours sleep.