It's not about me, its never been about me

4.8K 128 32
                                    

"What are you lot looking at? Get back to work." You told the two siblings as they stood gawking at you while you set about casually cleaning tables. You existence was now out in the open and it was clear there was no more skirting outside the light, when it came to Zodiac your had to confront them sooner or later. You were still thinking about what Capricorn has said, about leading Zodiac. That was a dangerous thought and temptation wasn't something you were used to, but you were starting to grow more ambitious as of late.

You knew you were changing internally, gone was the old person who secluded himself away from everyone. Touka and Ayato were so close to you now you honestly didn't know what to do without them anymore, suddenly the last few years of your lonely existence seemed like it was all meaningless. Your life had been mix boredom and solidtue with no real joy, no golden moments of happiness. But this?! What you had now was what it meant to be alive you thought as you looked up at the two siblings behind the counter trying to ignore the tv, you had it good now, you had friend who you had the privilege of tutoring and helping grow and you had a beautiful caring girlfriend you loved deeply. You were happy now, truly happy in your life.

Yet it was also the first time you were truly worried, now with the ever present threat of zodiac looming over you. You knew retaliation was due soon as all of zodiac were no doubt moving on the twentieth Ward to attack in force, you had only a limited idea on how they may attack too. According to Capricorn Libra, Taurus and Aquarius were the most loyal to Leo, since Taurus had already been defeated by you and Touka and Libra was now permanently removed from the equation, that meant only Aquarius and Leo were left.

How would you fare against them? Libra may have been an unhinged maniac but Aquarius and Leo were far more calculating, able to plan ahead and think about exactly what the next step way going to be. Capricorn's proposal was irrelevant at this point since it still unconfirmed, even so he wasn't sure Capricorn wasn't playing some clever mind game in which to eliminate him easier. Who to trust was always difficult to know and so you had never trusted anyone outside of Anteiku, but with forces closing in that were now focused on singling you out for either elimination or capture, could you really afford to take a chance? Could you afford not to?

—————
It was late, nearly ten o'clock but for once you weren't out at night. You were staying up with Touka after Ayato and Shinsetsu had gone to bed and watching tv, after last nights clash with Libra you were taking a break since you'd gotten a little too close to death for you liking. Shinsetsu had not known about you being the Scorpio since she's never seen your mask, so thankfully you'd managed to keep it a secret from her. You were also sure you'd completely risen to godhood in Ayatos eyes, his eyes followed you everywhere yet he never said a word.

A lot had changed from when you made the threat to kick them both out a while ago, the girl who you had almost hated you now were in love with. Touka was lying on the couch and resting her feet on your lap while she leaned against the arm of the couch, you were surprised since she's been angry at you all day since the news had gone on. You had no idea why since it had been business as usual at work, it probably had something to do with the death of Libra. For the entire evening there was a silent tension between the you, both of you had returned to your old attitudes due to your frustration with each other. The final straw seemed to come when you tried to tickle her feet and instead of a giggle or even a light friendly kick she pulled her feet back quickly with a frown.

"Ok whats the problem? You've been pissed at me all day." You told her irritatedly.

"So? You going to kick us out like you said you would?" She barked.

"Hey! That's out of line, we talked about that ages ago."

"And we talked about how you weren't going to out alone, but you were lying about that."

"Don't be childish Touka, you know that it's important especially after what happened with Libra."

"You shouldn't have gone out without help."

"You were hurt, I'm not going to put you at risk and I'm not putting Anteiku at risk by staying inside. I need to get out there, I need to stay..."

You were cut short by the strong punch she delivered to your face, normally you could have caught it but you were caught off by surprise. You'd been slapped once or twice by your mother over the years, but Toukas punch hurt a hell of a lot more then those slaps. You simply starred at her in shock, never expecting it despite the tension of the day. Touka stood up and raised a boot to kick you in the head, you were still taken back from the initial punch and so weren't prepared for an second assault. The force of it pushed you backwards over the sofa onto the floor only to feel her weight against your chest as she kneeled over you and grabbed your shoulders, you braced yourself as yet another punch collided into your jaw.

"Don't even go there! Don't even think about that selfless hero bullshit!" She grabbed your collar and tried to headbutt you into the floor. "I don't need to hear how your the only who can protect us or some crap like that! We are not yours to protect! You don't get to come home after risking your life like nothing happened! Your not allowed to throw your life away..." Toukas eyes were watering as she finished her sentence, tears dropped down on your face as she broke down.

"Touka." You told her as you gently took her hands in your own, partially to comfort her but also to stop her beating you anymore. "I'm the one zodiac wants to capture and probably kill at this point, it's my fault they want to hurt you guys to get at me."

"Shut up (Y/N), I get your trying to be a damn hero but stop it. We don't need you protecting us because we can look after our damn selves, or at the very least you could just take me out with you. You don't need to try and protect everyone on your own."

"It's not that Touka, it's not like I'm trying to copy the movies for something. It's just, it's just..." You sighed heavily, looking up into Toukas eyes. "It's not about me Touka, it's very been about me. All my life I just sauntered through trying not to get too annoyed, there was some kind of filter on every thing that robbed life of any joy. When Ayato was caught by the investigators I wasn't afraid to die because I didn't have anything to lose, if I died it wasn't like I was robbed of some great joyful existence. You give my life meaning, you give me joy. When I'm with you I can see the world for what it really is, for the beauty it holds. The reason I put myself at risk going out isn't for some hero fantasy, it's not even out of a selfless desire to protect you guys. It's because even though I don't want to die, I'd rather lose my life then lose the happiness I have with you. I don't want to die for you Touka, but it's preferable to living without you."

Touka was weeping openly now as she let the tears fall, a combination of worry, pent up anger and your words proved too much for her to handle. "(Y/N). You idiot." She tried to smile through the tears. "I love you." She told you as she kissed you deeply, letting all the emotion out of her as she wrapped her arms around your neck. Your eyes stayed wide open in shock st the whole event, feeling the warm embrace of your girlfriend.

"I love you too Touka."

Scorpio (Tokyo Ghoul Touka x Male Reader)Where stories live. Discover now