Leave a Trace

Chapter Seven: Homesick

Chapter Seven: Homesick

"Belle, what's wrong?" Vanessa asks me again.

"I don't want to talk about it." I mutter, tugging the fluffy blanket further up my chest. She sighs.

"Have you been icing your stomach?"

"Yes." I mumble.

"Do you need anything?" She asks.

"Can you take Tank on a walk? Just up the street and back?"

"Is he going to drag me again?" She wonders.

Last time she walked Tank, he saw a squirrel and ran. The leash was wrapped around her wrist and he dragged her across the sidewalk. She had scrapes all over her body.

"Just don't hold the leash too tight."

"He doesn't drag you?" She asks with a sigh.

"He wouldn't drag me. Not ever."

"Are you sure you don't want me to cuss Alexander out?"

"Just don't talk to him, alright?"

"Why don't you just tell me what happened?"

"Because I don't want to talk about it."

She sighs and stands up. Tank is laying at my head on the couch. I'm laying so my head is in the middle and my feet hang off the arm. He's curled up above me and his nose is on my shoulder. Occasionally he'll wine and nudge my face because he's worried about me.

"Tank, go on a walk with Vanessa." I say.

At the mention of a walk, he jumps from the couch and sprints out of the living room.

"If he drags me, I'm going to flip shit." Vanessa grumbles, walking out of the room. I hear his collar jingling and her telling him to sit, and then my glass door slams shut.

The house falls silent.

I told Vanessa I don't want to talk about it because there's a few things wrong with me right now.

Alexander is wrong with me right now, because he makes me think things and then he makes me feel guilty for thinking them.

He makes me want to trust him, and that's dangerous.

I'm homesick. I miss Wisconsin. I miss my childhood home. I miss seeing deer run around in my backyard. I miss my Mom's cookies and my Dad's hugs. I miss my brothers giving me nookies and watching my Dad and brothers and my uncle and my cousin screaming at the Green Bay Packers game. I miss feeling loved and protected. I miss having people I can tell everything to. Sure, I have Vanessa, but I want more. I want to not have trust issues. I want to be social enough to go out on Friday's. I want to not give a shit what a ton of high schoolers say about me, but I can't help it. There was too much damage done to me in high school, and I only trust my blood and Vanessa Hunter.

And right now, all I can think about is quitting, getting a tow truck to bring my car to the junkyard. All I can think about is renting a U-Haul, packing my things, and driving from Wisconsin to twenty minutes outside of Milwaukee. I want to throw my belongings in the storage unit on the corner of West Bradley Road and North Teutonia Avenue.