Leave a Trace

Chapter Thirty Seven: Fixed

It's 3:05AM and I can't stop crying also this is rated R some part in here but not all of it

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Chapter Thirty Seven: Fixed

When I walk in the door from dropping off the package, I let the dam break.

Why would I give him back his shirt?! It was all I had left!

I drop onto the couch and start crying, and then I start crying harder because I don't want to be crying! I just want him back! I don't want to move on so the pain will go away, I just want him back!

I want him to come back to me. I feel so cold, so alone.

I clutch my hand against my heart. Tank whines against my thigh and nudges my elbow.

My doorbell rings suddenly, but I don't want to get up.

I want to take pills to go to sleep.

I want to drink the entire bottle.

It rings again, and then the person knocks rapidly. Rubbing my eyes, I force myself to my feet and walk over to the door. I didn't lock it, so I just pull it open.

Blue-green eyes stare intensely into mine. Tears are cascading down his face.

"I fucked up." He whispers weakly. "I fucked up. I really fucked up. I was pissed off at the world because Alice gets happy and then gets fucked over again, and I was mad at Alicia because she gets to walk away happily every time she does something, and I'm sick and tired of watching her upset Alice. She's ten years old, she doesn't deserve this. I was pissed off at myself for not taking her with me to the fire, and then I was pissed that Vanessa didn't want her there, and upset because you didn't either, and I lashed out because I'm a fucking idiot, Rosie. I'm an idiot. I'm sorry, baby girl, I am so so sorry."

"Did you open the box?" I ask him. My voice is flat and monotone.

"No." He sniffles. "It's in the truck though, I didn't open it. I'm sorry Rosie, and I know you probably hate me and you never want to see me again. I understand, but given the chance, I'd like you back."

I fold my arms across my chest.

"You need to learn how to have some self control." I say. "You broke up with me because you were mad. You say you love me, but-"

"I do love you." He insists. "I fell in love with you the moment we kissed, and-"

"You fell in love with me for physical stuff!" I snap, my eyes flooding with tears again. "You don't love me, you love my body!"

"I did not fall in love with you for physical stuff." He whispers. "Not at all. I fell in love with you for the way you tasted because you just ate a Twix from Alice's candy. I fell in love with you for the way your hair fell against our mouths, and I have to brush it back with my hands. I fell in love with you for your smile and the way your eyes light up when you see me, or when you see Tank, or somebody else you love. I fell in love with you for your laugh and how you sometimes snort when you laugh. I fell in love with you for the way we met up in the dark in that park? It was like a drug deal or something. I fell in love with you for your personality and how you laugh at things that I find funny also, and for the way you can look at me when you're annoyed or you see something stupid and you look at it and then look at me because you and I have twin telepathy or something, even though we're not twins because that would be weird. I feel in love with you for how warm I feel when I see you. I fell in love with you for you, Rosie, not your body. You left a trace on my heart, baby girl. I'm in love with you, and I love you so much more than I could ever say. Yes, I was angry. Yes, I made a stupid mistake, and yes, it could potentially cost me my happiness, my life, my world, because you are my world. I'm an idiot, baby girl. I'm an idiot. I love you so much, sweetheart, and I need you to know and understand that I realized what I did right after the words left my mouth, but I went with it because you're right, I am egotistical, and sometimes that gets in the way. That, this, none of this changes the fact that I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I fucked up, Rose. I want you back."

I stare at him for a long time. He looks so sincere, and I can tell he means it.

"To be completely frank, you destroyed me. With just a few words, you took my life and crushed it in your hands. I know you mean what you're saying, and I love you to death, but with just a few sentences, you hurt me worse than I have ever hurt in my entire life, and a few months ago you asked me to promise you to tell you if I ever thought about killing myself for cutting that I would tell you, and last night up until you came to do the door, it was all I could think about. You keep me together, and relying on a man is dangerous. You hold my heart in your hands, and it takes a lot of trust to allow somebody to do that. How do I know you won't hurt me again?"

He looks like I just punched him in the face. He puts his hand in a fist against his chest and swallows, looking at the ground.

"You don't." He whispers. "And honestly, I probably will hurt you again. I'm just a man, Rosie. I have a big ego, but I'm just a man. I make mistakes, but all I can do is promise you that I will try my hardest to never hurt you again. I can promise you I will never leave unless I'm going to calm down, I can promise you with my entire being that I will always come home to you. I will always be faithful to you, I will always love you, and I will always be here for you, to you love, to support you, and to hold you when you cry...and if for whatever reason I'm not there physically, I'm just a phone call away. Even if you tell me you never want to see me again, I'll still be here. I'll spend the rest of my life regretting letting you go and waiting by the phone."

The fact that he has the balls to admit he fucked up, to admit he's sorry...the fact that he isn't trying to promise he won't mess up when he knows he will...that's enough for me.

He waited when I wasn't ready. He was supporting when he waited all that time and I left. He moved across the country for me.

He messed up one time, but he has given so much for me, and he came here are four in the morning to get me back.

He deserves my trust. He's earned it.

I step out onto the snowy porch, take his face in my hands, and kiss him with all I have. I feel him backing me into the house. I hear the door shut, and I feel myself being lifted and then laid down on soft fabric, and then him telling Tank to get out and shutting the door. I feel him hovering above me and clothing being tugged at, and our lips only part to remove the fabric between us. I feel his hands on my chest and his lips on my neck, and his hands moving lower. To tug down my panties, and I pull his boxers off so we're both completely naked, and it's so intimate and touching and full of love and agony and every ounce of pain we've felt in the last five hours, and suddenly everything we've been doing with your clothing is not enough. I want more, so much more, and it feels right, and his eyes are swollen from crying and I know mine are too, and there is nothing more pure, more intimate than this moment right here. I pull his mouth off of my breasts and hold his face in my hands. His eyes lock with mine.

Can he feel it? Can he feel the pureness? The love?

I pull his lips back to mine, kissing him slowly and passionately, and then I pull away to look into his swollen eyes.

"We don't have to stop tonight." I whisper, my thumb brushing across his cheekbone. "I don't want to stop tonight...not if you don't want to stop."

His eyes widen slightly when he realizes what I'm saying, and suddenly, nothing else matters.

It's just me. And Alexander Caulton, the one man I swore to myself I would never trust. His lips press slowly against mine, his hands gripping my hips. I feel his lips against my neck, sucking and nibbling slightly.

"I love you, Rosabelle Caldwell."

"I love you too, Alexander Caulton."

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Okay its good again and I think Rose was right to take him back because he messed up one time

Idk but vote and comment

~Sam