Leave a Trace

Chapter Thirty Six: Alone (again)

There is strong language in this chapter

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Chapter Thirty Six: Alone (again)

It started snowing as I stood there. I waited until I was so cold I was shaking uncontrollably, and then I forced myself into the house.

And I realized that once again, it's just me and Tank.

Once again I'm alone. I have nobody to trust. I have nobody to hold me when I cry. I don't have a best friend to talk to. I'll always have Vanessa, but I don't have arms to hold me. I don't have a cuddle buddy to watch movies with. I'm alone.

I'm alone. Zane is gone. He left me.

My knees hit the floor by the front door, and I start sobbing.

I'm alone in this empty house.

It's always me. I'm always alone. I was sure I was set for life.

I crawl across the floor, my eyes gushing with tears, and go into my bedroom.

My eyes land on his shirt on my floor and I pick it up.

I can smell mints and vanilla on it, and I start sobbing harder.

He's gone. I'm alone.

I can still hear his voice in my head, the cockiness. I can still feel his warm arms around my body. I can still smell him as if he's standing in the room, and I swear I have never wanted to not be here more in this moment.

Nothing has hurt more than this.

I want him to come back, tell me he didn't mean it, that he loves me and he knows I love Alice.

I want to run away. I want to cease to exist. I wish I was never even born! What's the fucking point anyways?

Every single time things start going right for me, they get fucked up. Every time.

I'm tired of it. I'm tired of it. I can't do this.

I can't do this without him.

My heart aches painfully and I just want him to come back.

"Come back." I whimper, clutching his t-shirt in my hand. Tank licks my shoulder as I sob, my entire body quaking.

And then my doorbell rings.

Zane!

I jump to my feet and rush to the front door, ripping it open.

But it's not Zane. It's Madison.

"Hey, I just wanted to bring this to you." She says, but she's looking at the snow falling quickly outside. "Is this yours, r-" she cuts off when her eyes land on my face. "What happened? What's wrong?"

I can't seek comfort in her, so I shake my head.

"Is it Alex? What did he do?"

"Nothing." I say, putting my right hand over my mouth to stop myself from sobbing harder.

"I'm calling him." She says. "This is your jacket, right? Alice had it."