Leave a Trace

Chapter Nineteen: Lotion

Chapter Nineteen: Lotion

Zane swallows, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"The day you told me you were leaving, you asked me a question." He whispers. "You asked me what I meant on Halloween when I told you that the thread snapped." He swallows. "I told you it didn't matter."

I slowly step aside to let him in. He walks in and I close the door, turning to him.

"But it mattered, baby girl. It mattered so much that for the last seven months, I've laid awake every night wondering if things would be different if I had told you. I have been forced to walk the hallways of that high school, and my eyes took me down to your old classroom and it hurt. It hurt so much. I lost my Mom. My Dad checked out mentally the day she died. I almost lost my baby sister, and I will not lose you, too. I'm so fucking in love with you that just the thought of you makes me want to cry. I have spent every second of my free time thinking of you, or watching videos of gymnasts so I could absorb every singe piece of information about gymnastics that I could. I-I know so much about it that I could probably train you myself! I have spoken to Finn and Tanner like, four times a week. It took me a minute after you drove off for me to realize I missed you, and I stood in your driveway with Colton and Alice and I was so numb, because you were gone. You left me, and I understand, I really do, and I'm so proud of you, Rosie, I'm so fucking proud." He puts his hand in a fist against his chest. "But I'm so hurt. It hurts." He swallows. "It took a week for me to realize I was mad at you because I'm selfish. It took me a month to realize I didn't want to lose you. It took me three months to actually believe your brothers and your parents and Vanessa. I even talked to Mrs. Bennett!" He throws his hands up. "It took me another month to accept that you actually did miss me, and then another month to convince myself you still did, and then it took me a month to find a job here, to find a house here, and to pack up my things and my baby sister, and rent a u-haul. I drove across the country for you, so if I'm a fucking idiot who's in love with a girl who doesn't have any feelings for me, I'd like you to just rip the bandaid off and tell me now, because it hurts, baby girl. Everything hurts, and the only person with the proper medicine is standing in front of me."

He moved here? He packed up everything and moved here?

He lives in Bayside?

He loves me?

"Rose." He whispers. "Let me down easy. Please."

The sound of the oven beeping fills the silence of the house.

He's here. He's right here, staring at me with those sexy eyes, and he looks scared.

I can have both.

"You don't even have to say anything." He says. "I'll just go."

He walks to the door, and before he can open it, I dart in front of him. He's standing so close, his hand outstretched to grab the doorknob that is now pressed into my back.

The white t-shirt on his body clings to his chest, and when he drops his arm I take a deep breath.

The scent of vanilla and mints makes my hands start shaking, and for the first time since I was fourteen years old, I feel full inside.

Shakily, I lift my hands to his chest, letting them rest against his pecs. He's so warm and he feels more muscular than the last time I saw him. In fact, he looks more muscular than the last time I saw him.

I don't know what to say to him, because there's so much I want to say.

"I love you so much it physically hurts to exist without a world where you aren't here to harass me with sexual innuendos. I miss you being cocky, I miss your stupid sexy face and your stupid sexy body and your stupid adorable laugh and you actually just interrupted my mental breakdown and I-I-" I cut off with a gasp. "You're here." My hands clench into fists against his shirt and I'm trembling so badly I'm afraid my knees might buckle.