Have you ever felt so desperate to be loved? To be loved by that one and only person. So desperate to get that person's attention? Well I have. And the person that made me this way, was none other than,
Park Jihoon aka winkboy.
I have had this one-sided crush on him since I first met him on Produce 101. He was so beautiful. He is faster than Usain Bolt when it comes to entering my heart.
No boy has ever made me felt this way. I thought I was straight all along but I guess I was either bi or as straight as a circle. Not even the girl that I used to like can beat Jihoon.
It was almost like magic.
I was so happy to have entered top 11 with him. It was the best thing that have ever happened in my life. Until he did something that crashed my heart into a million pieces.
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(*I had to search for panwink photos as my gallery is only filled with winkdeep. I feel like a traitor now for having a panwink picture in my gallery.)
Why did he do that? Were they dating all this time? Was I just too stupid to realise that? Did he like Guan Lin?
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I clenched my fist when I saw them hugging. If only there was a contract where Jihoon cannot have skinship with another person then I will gladly sign it.
He made me feel so shitty. He hurt me. Should I just give up on this one-sided crush?
"Yooooo~~~Jihoonie~~~Why did you kiss Guan Lin?" My ears perked up at the sound of his name.
"Because Guan Lin said that if he gets into top 11 then I have to give him a kiss." So he was forced to? Good to know...good to know...
"I thought you had a crush on him?" Daniel asked. I could see Guan Lin's face starting to redden. Did Guan Lin like Jihoon as well?
"No no no! But I do have a crush on someone..." Jihoon immediately said, as if the one he likes was in the room, making it sure that he does not like Guan Lin. I felt even sadder, knowing that he wouldn't return my love and I would still continue to love him.
"Ooooooohhhh~Who is it??" Everybody started cooing until our families and friends came in. They immediately ended the topic and went to greet the guests. Hopefully this topic wouldn't be mentioned again because I can't afford to hurt myself even longer.
Day after day, we had many upcoming schedules and we were involved in many variety shows. Whenever we had to play games, Jihoon and I will somehow end up in the same team. Whenever we win, I couldn't bottle up my emotions and feelings and sometimes do things that I will regret. For example jumping onto Jihoon.
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Sometimes he will get shock and push me away. Seems like he really doesn't like me. I need to start to learn self-control or else I will make Jihoon uncomfortable.
Sometimes I would catch him staring at me. He must be thinking about how desperate I look. Everybody, like everyone except Jihoon knows about my crush. He must just think that I was trying to be close friends with him.
It will be hard for him to return my love because firstly, he already said that he likes someone else and secondly, he might be straight.
There was a day where we had a performance. We were dancing and I felt a sprain on my ankle. I acted as if nothing was happening but actually I was in pain, a lot of pain.
When we ended the performance I sat on the stage to check on my ankle. Not wanting the fans to be worried, I acted as if I was tying my shoelaces.
After we got home, I took off my socks in the bathroom and checked my ankle. It was purple and it did not look good. I didn't want to tell anyone because if my manager finds out, I might be banned from some concerts and I don't want to keep my fans worried.
That was when I heard a knock on the bathroom door. I just sat there, frozen, not knowing what to do. The door opened to reveal Jihoon.
"Hey, the other bathrooms are occupied and you didn't lock the door so I- OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR ANKLE?!?!" I immediately covered his mouth, trying to shut his mouth. When I stood up, I winced a little and Jihoon seemed to have noticed.
He grabbed my arm, trying to help me to balance myself.
"I'm fine. You're not allowed to tell anyone about this do you understand?" He nodded and rushed out of the bathroom to only returned with a first aid kit.
"Sit down." He ordered and I obeyed.
"Why didn't you tell anyone? Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't want anyone to be worried. Besides, I'm totally fine-ouch..."
"Fine? Well that's the most bullshit thing I've heard in my life."
He continued to spray some cooling stuff onto my injured ankle. (*I don't know what it's called)
I looked at him, observing every part of his face. His skin is so clear and it looks so soft. His eyes were filled with the galaxy and his lips were small and cute. He is just perfect and no one can deny that. (*I'm 15 you fight me?)
"Stop staring at me. It's rude you know." He said as he looked up at me.
I don't know what has gotten into me and I definitely regret everything that I've done after saying that sentence.
