So, just gonna put out most of what some might not know about me. I guess.
-------
Me: I'm gonna sleep.
Depression & memories: Haha, no you're not.
-------
Me: *sleeping*
Nightmare: I'm gonna make you have a nightmare of a person killing themself because of you.
Me: *wakes up, wanting to cry*
-------
Me: I'm not worthless, I'm not worthless, I'm not worthless.
Depression: Stop lying to yourself. You know you are.
-------
Me: I'll eat something.
Adult: Wow you're eating a lot.
Me: *stabs spoon into bowl repeatedly, desperately trying to force tears back*
-------
At Skvaderon:
Me: *makes friend and develops crush on her*
Friend: *abandons me and keeps new girl from talking to me* *won't stop even after having a talk with a teacher twice*
Me: *keeps wanting her back*
Mom: *gets me out of there, having had enough*
-------
At Elvkvarn:
Me: *makes new friend and develops crush on her* *makes friendships with all classmates*
Friend and crush: *abandons me for a childhood friend*
Me: *nothing I do fixes anything* *begins feeling worthless* (probably where my depression started) *isolates myself during recess and rarely speaks in class* *cries at school 'cause I miss dad*
Friends: *don't do anything to comfort me, don't even get a teacher*
Me: *gets home from a shitty school day with a friend and finds pet hamster, Glittra, dead*
-days later at school-
Me: *makes a guy friend who's a year younger than me* *gets crush on him* *scared of school and tries repeatedly to make excuses not to go, almost always failing*
-drops out of school but still lives near friends-
Friends: *abandon me one by one*
Me: *finds dad's suicide letter meant for mom* *breaks down*
-------
Me: *self-esteem depletes, my mind telling me I'm fat, ugly, stupid, a freak, weird, crazy etc*
-------
Depression: *suicidal symptom starts*
Me: *still isn't worried about my mental health*
-------
Me: *makes patterns on skin with sharp stick, thinking skin being able to do so is really cool*
-------
Me: *finds out in the car that my big brother has depression and PTSD* *looks away from mom as I silently cry, hating myself for never realizing even after knowing what they cause*
-------
Me: *scratches arm without anything itching, not knowing it's self harm*
-------
