This was like quite a while ago, but I still haven't let it go.
"Can I have my iPad back?"
"Not until you finish the school day. Are you ready to go?"
-later-
"I did kind of tell you a few moments before school started that it was time to get up"
Well I'm SO SORRY that you fucking adults don't know how to stop what the fuck you're doing and come get me.
I am SO SORRY that I was still shaken from yesterday when I went to school and nobody fucking came to get me from class.
I am SO SORRY that I've been forgotten in class four times.
I am SO SORRY that I am suffering from paranoia every GODDAMN time I'm alone because I don't feel secure here.
I am SO SORRY that I was on the verge of crying in class today, desperately trying not to cry and trying my best to bottle everything up but feeling like I'm going to break into sobs at any moment and tears blurring my sight because I'm so fucking scared that nobody will come to get me again, which, by the way, NOBODY FUCKING CAME!!!
I am SO SORRY that my ENTIRE FUCKING SCHOOL LIFE I have felt like I don't even exist and that it is happening ALL OVER AGAIN IN A PLACE I HAD EARLIER TOLD MOM WAS BETTER THAN MY OLD SCHOOLS BECAUSE I ACTUALLY EXIST.
I am SO MOTHERFUCKING SORRY THAT EVERY FUCKING TIME I TRY TO SURVIVE A DAY, I HAVE TO END UP ON THE VERY EDGE OF COLLAPSING INTO PIECES FROM ALL THE STRESS AND SADNESS BEING CASTED ONTO MY PATHETIC BEING.
I AM SO SORRY THAT I'M SCARED OF DYING BECAUSE I STILL WANT TO FEEL LIKE I FUCKING BELONG.
I AM SO FUCKING SORRY THAT NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY I CAN HARDLY FIGHT MY OWN FUCKING THOUGHTS BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH I WAS TOLD TO STAND UP AGAINST BAD PEOPLE, I WAS NEVER TAUGHT HOW TO DEFEND MYSELF FROM MY OWN TOXIC MIND.
I AM SO FUCKING SORRY THAT I ALWAYS SEEM TO FUCK UP EVERYTHING I TRY TO DO BECAUSE I CAN NEVER BE ANYWHERE CLOSE TO DECENT.
I AM SO FUCKING SORRY THAT I'M SO EASILY FORGOTTEN.
I'M SORRY I EXIST.
I'M SORRY I KEEP FALLING TO PIECES EVERY TIME I MANAGE TO REBUILD MYSELF.
I'M SORRY I CAN'T DEAL WITH MY SELF HATRED.
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
JUST LET ME BREATHE.
LET ME GO A DAY WITHOUT FEELING LIKE I HAVE NO PURPOSE.
LET ME BREATHE
LET ME BREATHE
PLEASE JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE TO RELAX AND NOT BE ON THE EDGE OF BREAKING DOWN.
