Who Am I? » [Stucky]

27. Shopping Spree

"We really do need to get you some clothes..." Steve shook his head as he gave Bucky the once over, his hands on his slim hips like a worried or stressed mother.

"It's not that bad..." Bucky complained tugging at the baggy fabric, far too tired to be dragged out for the day, his eyes could barely keep themselves open. He was so exhausted that he thought that he might even be able to sleep standing up, like a horse or a bovine of some description.

"If you're going to be staying here we're going to be needing to get you some clothes," Steve admitted.

"I can live in the clothes I already have. It's fine. I know it's a pain me borrowing your stuff already, but it's not fair for you to spend money on me like that."

Steve's face fell and there was an unmasked unmistakable sadness dwelling in his blue eyes. "I'm not letting you live in those same tatty clothes for a moment longer. And spending money on you is no problem. The SHIELD accounts are pretty much unlimited and they should be still open. They are the government. A shopping spree won't blow a hole in the wealth of a nation. I have direct access to the money. Even if I didn't it wouldn't be a problem. You're living with me Bucky, you're my responsibility now and I have no problem with that."

Bucky let a small smile creep onto his face and he looked modestly at the floor. "I'm an inconvenience though, aren't I?" He looked back up through the dangling curtains of his hair.

"Not at all!" Steve professed. "You couldn't ever be!" Steve was slain by the fact that he could even think that.

"I am though. I'm like a dead weight, tied to your ankle dragging you down, hanging off you and slowing you down. I'm brainwashed...." He struggle to swallow and his gulp was loud and clear. "And confused..." His eyes were glazed over with tearfulness. "And useless, aren't I?" A small embarrassed and pained laugh escaped his lips before his expression crumpled and he started sobbing. He bit down on his lip, trying to conceal the pathetic noises. "I'm not what you wanted, am I? I'm not the same. I'm not the man you wanted back?" The sleeplessness had made him incredibly emotional and susceptible to changeability.

"Bucky, not at all-"

"Go on, try and tell me I'm the same man that you knew back in 1940, the same man you grew up with, the same man you saw fall off the train..." He winced as the memory flickered through his mind like a slide show.

Steve was dumbstruck by crippling tangible heartache and bewilderment that silenced him like a muzzle and tied him up like a straight jacket. He just stared, open mouthed, at the wreck before him.

"I dare you... Tell me that I'm the Bucky Barnes that you used to know. The Bucky Barnes that you wanted."

Steve couldn't. He couldn't lie to him. He couldn't agree just to make him feel happier. There was no way he could win. Frustration rattled through him and his fists clenched and his jaw tightened and tears of anger and heartbreak claimed him. But of course he wanted Bucky! He had wanted Bucky ever since the day he had plummeted into that gorge.

"I can't..." Steve's voice was barely audible, his chest tightened and his heart throbbed with unimaginable upset. "But I tell you what..." He raised his eyebrows and stated the words with far stronger diction and determination. "You will be my best friend no matter what..." He rushed forwards and crushed Bucky into a hug, holding his distraught and tear-smothered face to his chest. "And I will always want you."

Bucky's hands crawled around Steve's back until they could get a hold on his top and he scrunched the material between his fingers, clutching Steve to his tense and fraught body. Bucky breathed in Steve's scent and listened to the thrumming sound of his beating heart whilst letting his tears soak into the soft conditioned material of Steve's crumpled shirt.