Who Am I? » [Stucky]

80. Kiss Away The Pain

Bucky's eyes watered in terror as he flipped page after page of the wrecked battered file that had fallen from the top of the wardrobe, where it had been hidden beneath a scrunched bundle of dirty laundry. Creased and discoloured flaccid pages of smudged and smeared ink notes met his eyes. He absorbed the text, reading Russian like it was his first language, as easy as he ever did. Pictures fell loosely from between the thin sheets, slipping free from the misshaped and scratched iron paperclips bent over the reams of paper. A couple tears fell onto the page, splattering the ink and obscuring it into a blue-ish black dot, leaving a distinct mark on the page and distorting the words.

There was a scraping and clicking as Steve slid his key into the Yale lock and twisted it open. He stepped through, a hopefulness lighting his stunning blue eyes, beaming until Bucky's terrified expression was seen. Then his face dropped.

Bucky's eyes flitted between the page, scrawled with nearly illegible Russian characters and Steve, who had somehow come into possession of the overflowing and tattered file comprised of his dark and shameful past, which he had tried his hardest to bury, to conceal and to forget, yet, it had resurfaced like a buoy shoved beneath the water, only to shoot up again and make itself distinctly clear, bobbing about within sight.

"How did you get this?" Bucky whined in a staggered emotional voice, his cheeks dripping with tears, his eyes fathoming more, serving the purpose of drowning his features.

Steve felt a shiver of guilt pass through his and his skin burned cold with dread. His eyes drooped shut as he tried to deny what Bucky was confronting him about. He wanted to wish it away as if it wasn't true, wash it out of his mind like a meaningless nightmare - but that nightmare had become his reality. He reopened his eyes again, and was faced with the same horrified and confused look on Bucky's face. He was going to want answers.

"Bucky, I-"

"It was Natasha wasn't it?" He sniffled, rubbing his bottom lip with his human hand, the other propping him up at the table.

Steve sighed.

"Don't even think about lying to me. Only one person has the ability to be able to call in these sort of favours from the Russian capital." He slammed the file shut with vitriol, one photo still peeking out defiantly from the paper bound collection of pages.

"I'm not going to lie to you. Bucky... It's not what it looks like. It's not like you think it is. I..." He hid his face with his hands, rubbing at his sore sleepless eyes with his fingers. "I... I came into possession of the file when we were sure all major threats had finally been eliminated... And naturally the first person on my mind after all the trouble... Was you. And I asked Natasha for you file, because I was so confused, and worried, and upset... I wanted to know what had happened to you, what they had done to you. They'd taken away my best friend and replaced him with someone I couldn't even recognise... She warned me not to read it, she told me I might not want to pull on that thread. I didn't know what I was reeling in until the reality of what you'd been put through jumped off the page at me."

Steve approached, his footsteps slow and careful. He didn't want to disturb the beast who was potentially at bay.

"I didn't want you to know..." Bucky whispered in a hushed tender voice, quieter than the whispering breeze.

Steve blinked back the tears gathering. "Why? It doesn't make me think any less of you, it only amazes me how well you've recovered, how much you've been through and how you've come out the other side as a faultless human being."

Bucky scoffed mockingly. "Faultless..." He repeated to himself, shaking his head in disagreement.

"I should've told you I had it. I'm sorry I didn't. I didn't remember I still had it. We can get rid of it if you'd really like to, but please don't let this put any more distance between us?" Steve was nearly on his knees begging, be just wanted to resolve the tension, clear the air and start afresh. He didn't want to drag out the already arduous and painful argument any longer; it would just throw the household into turmoil and endanger their relationship.