So What If It's Us?

They Reach Out Pt. 2

TW: Mentions of suicide and self-harm

Evan's POV

I.didn't.throw.that.printer: Hey Evan, this is Connor

I checked the time. He sent it ten minutes ago. Connor probably thinks that you don't care about him. That you don't want to get better. That your ignoring him, the voices in his head chanted.

"S-Stop." I muttered to no one. I took a deep breath before typing,

What.The.Fern: Hi Connor! This is Evan. You probably know that already though...

Shaking my head I deleted the sentence. Except, I hit send. Great, now he thinks you're super weird and awkward. The voices told him. They continued to rant on and on. When front door of my apartment slammed they disappeared into thin air.

"Evan? Are you home?" Leo called out.

"I'm in m-my room." I told him. I heard his footsteps growing nearer in the hallway. My door eased open to reveal my roommate Leo. 

"Whatcha doin?" He asked me as he flopped next to me on my bed.

"I-I'm trying n-not t-to be s-super awkward a-and w-weird out this really c-cute a-and nice k-kid f-from t-therapy." I admitted quickly. Leo grinned and snatched my phone away from me.

"H-Hey! G-Give it b-back!" I yelled as he jumped up and held my phone just out of my reach. It didn't help that I was kind of short.

"Let's see what you sent. Hmmmm." He said. He waited a moment before shouting,

"He's texting back!" My head snapped up. I jumped up to grab my phone from a distracted Leo. I succeeded and ran to my bathroom that connected to my room.

"Good luck Evan!" He shouted through the bathroom door. I sat on the side of my tub and checked my messages.

I.didn't.throw.that.printer: What's up

What.The.Fern: I'm just chilling. What about you?

I.didn't.throw.that.printer: I'm just drawing some things.

What.The.Fern: Oh cool! What are you drawing? Can you show me?

What.The.Fern: You don't have to tell me if you don't want to

What.The.Fern: Sorry.

I.didn't.throw.that.printer: Don't be sorry Evan. I'm drawing people. Trying to make them look more realistic

What.The.Fern: Can I see?

I.didn't.throw.that.printer: I don't really feel comfortable showing it. It's not that good.

What.The.Fern: Oh. Okay. I bet it's really good anyway.

I.didn't.throw.that.printer: Thanks 

I.didn't.throw.that.printer: Do you wanna tell me the story Veronica was talking about?

What.The.Fern: Um

I.didn't.throw.that.printer: You don't have to if you don't want to

What.The.Fern: No it's ok. It will just take me a little while to type

I.didn't.throw.that.printer: Ok. Take your time.

Taking a shaky breath, I started typing the truth. The truth I had told no one but Veronica.

What.The.Fern: So I have serious social anxiety and it's really bad. Most people thought that was it but I also have depression. I just had these horrible thoughts like, nobody would notice if you disappeared tomorrow, or, you're such a burden. Eventually, it just became to much for me. I didn't want to live anymore. I was an intern at an orchard. One day on my break I decided the way I wanted to go was by falling out of a tree. I love trees, so why not. I climbed and it felt amazing to sit there, up so high. The sun shined on my face. It was so peaceful. But then my thoughts came back and I let go. I just let go. I landed on my arm instead and I sat ther for probably 15 minutes thinking someone would come and get me. Nobody did. I had to find my boss and he drove me to the hospital. I said I fell out of the tree. I kept lying over and over that one day I broke and told Veronica the truth. Nobody else know except for her. And now you. So please, don't tell anybody.

I.didn't.throw.that.printer: Holy shit Evan. 

What.The.Fern: Yeah. I know

I.didn't.throw.that.printer: I just to let you know, that from the moment I saw you I knew I would never forget you. I would notice if you disappeared. I'm sure your family would. You are not alone.

I looked up at my reflection in the mirror. Tears were streaming down my face, leaving shiny tracks.  My face was blotchy and red. Just then my phone dinged.

I.didn't.throw.that.printer: I smoke a lot to get away from my family. I harm myself so I can feel better too. I tried to kill myself two years ago. Before then, my parents never believed in therapy. Thought depression was just a "phase". They thought that my diagnosis was bullshit. I know how you feel. It's  hard to tell others what's going on or what happened.

What.The.Fern: Do you think I should tell my roommate too? He's really nice and he deserves to know.

I.didn't.throw.that.printer: Do whatever you want. But I think you should.

What.The.Fern: Thanks Connor. I'm gonna go tell him.

I.didn't.throw.that.printer: Good luck! I gotta go too.

I turned off my phone. I stood up. Walked out of the bathroom. Down the hall to Leo's room. I knocked on the door.

"Leo? A-Are you i-in there?" I called out.

"Yeah! Come on in!" He shouted from inside. I opened the door. He gasped at the sight of me.

"What did that asshole say to you? Do you want me to beat him up? Where is he?" He asked me.

"He d-didn't say a-anything bad," I told Leo with a chuckle, "he h-helped m-me out. I-I w-want to t-tell y-you a-about h-how I broke m-my arm."

With a confused face Leo said, "But you already told me what happened."

I took a deep breath. "Not the real version. Not the truth."

Two hours later, through many tears, I told Leo about how I broke my arm. I also told him I was bi.

"Evan, thank you so much for telling me. I want you to tell me wheneve you feel down so I can help you out. Just remember that I would notice if you disappeared." He said.

That night, I went to bed feeling exhausted but happy. It's a good start. Tomorrow I'll tell my mom. She needs to know.

Hi readers! I'm really sorry if you saw the first version that had just a few words, I clicked publish instead of save. I'm still a beginner at this. I'm really sorry too that I didn't update last night. I had dance and I had to finish recording audition tapes for the school musical. I told my friend this would be a fluffy chapter, sorry Piper. I lied. Emotional dump. Again. Well, I hope you enjoyed the long chapter! Love you guys! You are all amazing. Hope you liked it! 1106 words!

-Cronch