So What If It's Us?

Falling Apart

TW: Suicide and car accidents

Connor's POV

I sat in the back of Michael's PT Cruiser staring out the window. I would occasionally wipe my eyes as we sped along back to his house. I couldn't believe what had just happened. Evan had forgiven me, and given me a second chance. And then and old drug dealer I had tried to leave behind came back to haunt me.

 I dug my black painted nails into the pale skin of my wrist. The pain was enough to satisfy me, for now. Jeremy helped me out of the car while Michael grabbed my suitcase.

"You can stay with us for a while." Jeremy told me. I nodded and we walked into the house in silence. They set me up in their guest room and left me to soak everything in. Depression, a black wave, crashed over me. Drowning me. Killing me.

I bit my lip as tears flooded down my face. You can't live without him. Now he's gone, I chanted in my head. Then the voices chimed in. You hurt the one person who could love you. You don't deserve to live. You're such a waste of space. No one would notice if you disappeared. Everyone would be happier if you were gone. 

I grabbed my journal out of my bag and a pen. Writing down my last thoughts brought even more tears to my eyes. I left the notebook on my bed. I pulled out my phone and looked back on my texts with Evan. I felt the need to hurt even more as I read through our messages. I typed one up and sent it. My last words to him would be,

I.didn't.throw.that.printer: Evan, I fucked up so badly. I didn't deserve you, you were too good for a monster like me. Don't blame yourself for this. It's my fault. It's my choice. I just wanted you to know one last time that I love you. Never forget that. Will you at least remember me?

I tore at my hair as I stumbled out of my room and into the bathroom. I closed the door behind me and locked it with a satisfying click. I let out a breath as I leaned against the steady door. I tried to talk myself out of it as I searched under the sink.

Don't do it Connor! What about your friends? Your family? Evan? 

I remembered the message I sent him just moments ago. There could be no backing away now.

I continued to search for the razors. I couldn't find any. I dug my nails into my arm again. The pain wasn't enough. I needed more to block out what I was feeling. Or something to numb it, a  voice whispered in my head. 

I nodded and opened the medicine cabinet. I scanned for the little orange bottles that would be my hero. Finally finding one, I checked the description.

Michael Mell-Ambien

I stopped reading once I saw the familiar name Ambien. I put the bottle on the marble counter. I squeezed the top down and twisted it. It didn't budge.

"Stupid child proof caps!" I whispered as I tried to open it again. This time, the lid popped off. I stared into the bottle, full of pills. Those will kill you, a part of me said. Those will help you, another part told me. I stared for a few minutes more before deciding.

I downed the whole bottle.

*Short time skip brought to you by my headache. Fucking hate headaches. Let's say the skip is around 30 minutes or so. I did research on this*

I started to get dizzy. I tried to walk, but stumbled and fell into the door. It was a loud bang in the silence. I heard footsteps down the hall as I swayed.

"Connor? Connor open up! I know you're in there!" Michael shouted as he pounded on the door. I sunk to the floor. The door knob rattled. All of a sudden, the door opened behind me. I fell to the floor and gave Michael a dreamy smile. My eyes started to flutter.

"Jeremy!" Michael yelled, notes of panic in his voice. I saw him pick up the empty pill bottle and read it. I heard distant footsteps and shouting voices. Then everything was gone. There was a black void all around me. 

Paramedic's POV

I rushed into the house with a stretcher. Two worried boys stood in the hallway, staring at their unconscious friend. The one in blue looked like he was about to cry. I shook the thought out of my head as I focused on the boy.

We loaded him onto the stretcher and out of the house. The two friends followed us.

"He took Ambien." One in red told us as he handed another paramedic and empty bottle. I only shook my head. How could someone do this? Try to take their own life and selfishly leave everyone behind? 

The two boys followed us into the ambulance. I shut the door and they sat down in the corner. We sped off to the hospital.

Evan's POV

I woke up to the sound of my phone dinging. I could immediately tell that something was wrong. I just didn't feel right. Against my better judgement, I read the message. It was from Connor.

I.didn't.throw.that.printer: Evan, I fucked up so badly. I didn't deserve you, you were too good for a monster like me. Don't blame yourself for this. It's my fault. It's my choice. I just wanted you to know one last time that I love you. Never forget that. Will you at least remember me?

Lil note right here. Connor had a timer for the message. It would send around 35 minutes after he typed it up. He also couldn't stop it from being sent after he finished typing it. Sorry for interrupting!

I felt my heart sink as I realized what he was going to do. He was going to kill himself. Panic rushed through my veins as I threw back my blanket. I slipped on some shoes and rushed out of my room. I stopped when I realized I had no clue where he was. Just then, my phone rang.

Heere_is_Queer is Calling

I picked up. I heard sniffling in the background.

"Evan," Jeremy sniffled, "Connor's in the hospital. He tried to kill hismself." At the end of his sentence he broke down completely. I could hear him sobbing.

"J-Jeremy, what h-hospital?" I asked urgently.

"The same one Zoe was at." He told me. I hung up and rushed to the front door. I could hear someone rushing after me but I ran out the door before they could catch me. On my way out I had grabbed Leo's car keys. Out of breath, I jumped into the car. I put the petal to the metal as I pulled out of the driveway and then raced down the street.

In my haste, I didn't notice a car speeding through the red light. It hit me on the passenger side. I felt the airbag blow up in my face. There was a sharp pain in my side. Actually, I was just in pain all around. I grimaced and almost fainted as I tried to move. I couldn't. Black dots danced across my vision. I could hear sirens in the distance. Then everything went black.

Wazzup. I'm only 7 reads away from a thousand! Holy shit guys! Thank you all so much! I have decided to end this within a chapter or two to keep it on a cliffhanger. I will then write a sequel. Oooh! Thank you Leo, for suggesting that Connor try to commit suicide. Leo didn't suggest it, but said something on the last chapter about it and I thought it was an amazing idea! So thanks bro! Anyway, I have to go to tap class in a few. I have an awful headache and tap shoes do not mix well with headaches. And then that bitch is gonna be there. I actually might not go. Idk. Uuuuuggghhh. I just want to let you know I will be updating really late tomorrow cuz I have a school dance and I'm having a sleepover. I wanna pull an all nighter and mess up my sleep schedule! Yeah! Love you all! Thanks again!

-Cronch