So What If It's Us?

The Hospital

TW: Mentions of abuse, panic attacks, and slight dissociation episode

Evan's POV

I was too busy rushing into the hospital to notice anything. Everything was a blur as I sprinted into the building. Now panting, I scanned the waiting room for the tall emo. He was easy to spot. Currently he was arguing with a nurse, looking to be on the verge of a breakdown.

"C-Connor!" I called out as I jogged over to him. His head snapped up at the sound of his name being called. He turned around. Seeing me, his whole face lit up. I attacked him with a hug. At first he tensed up, but soon relaxed into my arms.

"A-Are you okay?" I asked him before pulling away. I could see tears forming in his eyes.

"I don't know. I'm not being told anything." He said to me. He started to tremble as tears flowed freely down his face. I led him over to a chair and we sat down. I hugged him once again, but this time longer. He buried his face in the crook of my neck and cried. For the short span of time I'd known him, I'd realized Connor wasn't a very emotional person. He covered his feelings up with anger and drugs. I was seeing a whole new side of him.

"Do y-you know w-why s-she was b-brought here?" I cautiously questioned. This time he was the one to pull away. His face became stormy as he stared at the ground. After a minute he grumbled,

"I do. Follow me." He stood up, grabbed my hand, and led me down a hallway. We entered a dark room. A light flicked on. I realized it was a gender neutral bathroom. 

"C-Connor w-what happened?" I whispered as I started to get worried. He looked panicky and distressed. I reached out for his hand but he stepped away.

"You can't tell anyone. My da-Larry, can be verbally abusive towards me. Most of the time that's it. Nothing I'm not used too. Rarely, he hits me. I few days ago I came home from a party, drunk and high, and he got mad at me. Punched me in the face. Broke my nose I think. I kicked him in the balls. No big deal. I'm hiding at my friend Michael's house when Zoe comes to get me." He says. Connor pauses for a moment. I can see him swallowing hard as he blinks rapidly, probably blinking back tears.

"She takes me home and calls a family meeting. She found out what happens and yells at Larry. We both say some things. He goes to punch me again. At the last minute Zoe steps in front of me. He winds up punching her. She hits a table on her way down and is out cold. Cynthia freaks out and calls an ambulance. They went with Zoe while I walked here. Now I have no clue what's going on and I can't take it!" He yelled. 

Within one swift movement he punched the tiled wall. Then he punched again. And again. Connor punched the wall until his fists were covered with his own blood. I just stood there. Doing nothing. Feeling the guilt claw it's way up my throat I walked over to him and held him back.

Connor turned to face me and fell into my arms. He sobbed. Big shaking sobs that could break any person's heart. I rubbed his back and held onto him. Once he stopped crying I looked at his fists. The blood was now crusty and dry.

I walked him over to the sink and turned it on. I rolled up his hoodie sleeve. What I saw shocked me. Scars up and down his forearms. Some were angry and red. Others were pink and silvery. They were everywhere. Connor only looked down at the tiling on the floor. I rolled up his other sleeve. It was even worse.

"C-Connor no. You can't do this to yourself." I told him. He looked up at me. There was a dark, far away look in his eyes.

"Connor." I said more firmly this time. I shook him. Still no response. I started to panic. I could feel my heart beating faster. My breathing quickly followed. I shook him over and over. Nothing. Tears blurred my vision. I could vaguely feel myself sinking to the ground. I curled up in a ball. Two panic attacks in one day. Great job Evan, a voice in my head teased.

I didn't try to drown out the voices that shouted at me. Insulted me. I let them say their nasty taunts. I even listened. I have no clue how long I was there for when I felt someone shaking me.

"Evan." They whispered close to my face. I whimpered. I could feel the person back away but stay close. They held onto my hand, letting me squeeze theirs tightly. I practiced breathing techniques in my head. I imagined Connor's face. 

His soft brown hair that flowed to his shoulders. His bright blue eyes, one of them with a splash of brown. The light dusting of freckles on his face. The black paint on his nails, always slightly chipped. I remembered every detail I could about him. By then, my breathing was back to normal. I was calm. But when I opened my eyes to see Connor crouching next to me I was anything but calm. I could feel the blood rushing to my face as he asked me,

"Hey, are you okay?" I nodded. Then, I saw his bloody hands. I knew we'd have to talk about his scars eventually. But I couldn't have what just happened happening again. So this time, when we stood up, I washed the blood off his hands in silence. Connor looked away from his hands the whole time.

"I'm sorry about what happened. I didn't mean to space out and stuff. Sorry I made you have an attack." He apologized. 

"Nonono! D-Don't b-be s-sorry! It's not y-your f-fault I.."

I was cut off by the feeling of his cold, soft lips against mine. Our kiss was much more happy this time. I didn't feel sorrow or pain in this one. I felt indescribable. I felt like I was walking on air. And even though we probably shouldnt've been kissing in a hospital bathroom, we did.

And I kissed him back. 

Damn. Well, hi readers! I hope you liked the chapter. Some angst and treebros for you! I can't go one chapter without someone crying it seems. So, I might not be able to update tomorrow because I procrastinated way too much and have a lot of homework to do. Plus, I have dance. Other than that, there's not a lot too say. Wait. I just remembered that I have gotten 605 reads and 68 votes! Oh my God! Thank all of you so much! I'm so happy you like this piece of garbage! I never thought I would get this many reads and votes, so thank you. I love you all! Have a nice night/morning/afternoon!

-Cronch