So What If It's Us?

Nightmare

TW: Nightmares, cutting, and drug use

Connor's POV

I drifted off to sleep with Evan in my arms.

The first thing I saw was me in my old room. I was sitting on my bed, leaning out the window with a blunt in hand. I remembered Larry had caught me smoking pot recently so I had to be careful.

I felt the windowsill cut into my ribs as I leaned out the window. I felt the night air cool down my face as I stared at the stars. I took a drag. I sat there, enjoying the peaceful night.

Peaceful until Cynthia called me downstairs for dinner.

"Connor! Dinner is ready!" She shouted. I sighed. Knowing I had no choice, I put out my blunt, closed the window and headed down the stairs.

I sat down at the table. Zoe scrunched up her nose in disgust as she smelled the air.

"You've been smoking pot, haven't you." Zoe hissed at me from across the table. I shrugged while giving her a goofy grin. She flipped her hair and rolled her eyes.

"Zoe, don't roll your eyes at Connor." Cynthia told her as she set plates down in front of us. I stared at the disgusting mess that was on my plate. After Cynthia had served everyone's food she sat down. Larry sat down too, phone in hand. Probably doing "work".

"So, how was everyone's day?" Cynthia asked cheerfully as she cut into her food. I shrugged. Zoe proudly said,

"I got a solo for the concert in jazz band today." Larry and Cynthia congratulated her and smiled. Their eyes turned to me, their screw up son, for something to compare Zoe's day to.

"Nothing special for me today." I told them.

"He probably ditched today. Probably got high too." Zoe screeched. 

"Zoe, don't jump to conclusions." Cynthia scolded. Larry sniffed the air.

"Connor, are you high?" He asked angrily.

"He's definitely high." Zoe stated.

"Fuck you!" I shouted at her as I got up from my place at the table.

"Fuck you too!" She screamed at me. I could hear the three of them arguing as I ran up the stairs and into my bedroom.

I stood in my bathroom, staring at myself in the mirror. I named all my ugly, terrible qualities on repeat as I gripped the sides of the sink. I tried to fight the urge. But I lost.

I locked the door. I searched under the sink for the razors. A fresh package lay there, begging me to use them. I ripped open the package with urgency. Slipping the plastic cover off one, I rolled up my sleeve.

I saw the myriad of scars up and down my arm. Finding a clear space, I pressed the razor to my arm. I looked up at the mirror once again. Disgusted with myself, I dragged the razor down my arm. The cut now had blood welling up to the surface. Crimson beads dripped off my arm as I cut and slashed.

I bit back a scream of pain. I stopped, the pain now a dull buzz. I needed more. Rolling up my other sleeve, I cut that arm too. 

I heard someone calling my name from downstairs. I ignored them and kept cutting. The voice got closer. I kept going. Then the voice was right outside my bathroom door. The doorknob jiggled. I looked down at the bloody mess and knew it was the end of the line for me.

I hadn't planned this out. I hadn't written any notes. But I knew I was ready to go.

I made the fatal slashes on my wrists. I sunk to the ground as black spots danced around my vision. I could feel no more pain. No more emptiness. I could vaguely feel tears falling down my face as I smiled.

I saw the door slam open and someone stand over me. I could faintly hear them screaming. Then everything went black.

I opened my eyes to find Evan shaking me.

"C-Connor are you o-okay? You're c-crying." Evan said as he wiped my tears away. I shook my head and engulfed him in a hug. I held on tight to him as I sobbed into his shirt. Evan rubbed my back and whispered comforting things in my ear.

"I had a nightmare." I mumbled into his chest. He didn't ask questions as he stroked my hair. Once I stopped crying I told him,

"It was about my suicide attempt." I swallowed hard as I avoided his eyes. Evan put his hands on my shoulders and I looked up at him.

"D-Do y-you want to t-talk about it?" He asked. "It m-might m-make you f-feel better."

I took a deep breath and told him about the whole night.

When I was done, we were both crying. He tackled me in a hug.

"P-Please never do t-that a-again Connor. I-I don't think I w-would be able to l-live without you." Evan whispered in my ear. I nodded and held him tightly.

"I love you Evan." I told him while gazing into his eyes.

"I-I love you too Connor." He admitted shyly. His face turned a dark crimson as he asked,

"C-Can I-I kiss y-you?" 

"You sure can." I told him with a wink. He blushed even harder before kissing me. The feeling was complete bliss. My heart soared as we stayed frozen in time. I wish we could stay like that. Our problems and troubles were gone as we kissed and held onto each other.

As we pulled apart panting, I smiled at him. He seemed to melt a little bit. I laughed at his cuteness before cuddling again. Hopefully this time there would be no interruptions.

BUZZ BUZZ. BUZZ BUZZ.

The two of us ignored Evan's buzzing phone as we snuggled.

Incoming call from Coolest_Gay

Voicemail left by Coolest_Gay

10 New messages from Coolest_Gay

Coolest_Gay: Evan! Did you know Zoe is in the hospital?

Hi readers! Hope you enjoyed the later chapter today. I was procrastinating. And drawing. My drawings are shit though. Anyway, I would just like to say thank all of you so much for 758 reads and 85 votes! Everyday the number keeps growing and it makes me so happy! I love all of you! Without your support, I would've ended this a long time ago. So thank all of you so much for supporting me. On another note, I would like to promote my friend Emo_gays because they have an AMAZING fan fiction out. GO READ IT.

I would also like to promote my new one shot book! I will be doing Heathers, DEH, an BMC! Feel free to make requests for ships or give me prompts! Check it out! I hope you liked the chapter!

-Cronch