Floral & Fading (Perrentes M-Preg)

Chapter 24

May 9th, 2013

I sat in the rocking chair and hold my little girl to my chest as she gently sucked on the little bottle the doctors had given to me. She was still attached to machines and she was still almost as small as half of my forearm. I sigh and shake my head then lean my head back. Two weeks of practically living at the hospital and she's grown but not enough. "Ten million branches and she loved everyone." I sing lightly then clench my eyes.

"How is she doing?" Mike asks and I look up then I make myself smile for him. This has been really hard on our relationship and I can't be more heartless than I already have been towards him.

"Better.... I think." I say and he nods his head then puts his hand on my shoulder and we look down at Catalina. Her little eyes were closed and she kept twitching but the doctors say that's normal with preemies. That they haven't fully developed so they twitch like that but it still hurts my heart to see my little girl go through that.

"The twitches have gotten better," Mike says and I nod my head then lean back into the chair a little more. Slowly Mike rubs my shoulders as we just stare at Catalina. This was the most Mike and me interacted anymore.

To no fault of Mike's, I've been pushing him away and I couldn't face my family, or his. I couldn't face the people who were so excited to meet my little girl but know couldn't until she was out of her box for good. I sigh then look at Mike and clear my throat. He looks down and I sigh again. He gives me a sad smile then leans down and kisses me.

Slowly and hesitantly I kiss him back then he pulls away and cups my face in his hands. "Our niñita is getting better and we need to be a team for when she's out of her box. She's going to have a whole lot of people all around her and she's going to need her parents to be strong for her," he says and I nod my head.

"I'm so afraid of what will happen if things go wrong. You'll want to leave and I'll.... I'll hate myself forever." I say and Mike shakes his head and turns away from me. Tears appear in my eyes and I look back at Cat to stop from crying.

"Put her down and meet me in the hall. We need to talk." Mike says then walks out of the NICU. I bite my lip then a bashful looking nurse walks over and takes her from me. I watch as she puts her back in her crib then I stand up and walk over to the door.

I walk out taking off my scrubs then walk over to where Mike was standing. He looks at me and closes his eyes as he takes a deep breath. "I fought too damn long to get you into a relationship with me. I fought too long to get us where we are. Our daughter, Nuestra preciosa niña pequeña, has fought so hard to live as long as she has for me to just get up and leave. Even if she has to leave us. Tony, I am yours, and you are mine, and Catalina is ours. That's how it's going to always be until the day you tell me we're over. You do not get to pull away now!" he says getting louder and louder.

"I can't help it, Mike!" I yell then turn to walk away. Mike grabs my arm and makes me turn to look at him. His eyes held fury but they were broken. All this was breaking him and I wasn't helping. That's for sure. I take a shaky breath the wrap my arms around his neck and I start to cry. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I don't want to lose you but... I don't know what to say." I cry and he holds me tight as well.

"I know baby, I know," he says and then I feel one of his tears on my cheek. I pull away and wipe away his tears.

"I'll try harder," I say and he sighs then shakes his head.

"Try less. There is nothing we can do other than letting the doctors do their jobs. We just need to be here for once their jobs are done and it's our turn to take over." he says and I nod my head when he leans down and presses a kiss to my lips. I kiss him back and feel the feeling of stress leaving me.

Mike could get me through the hardest parts of my life as long as I let him in to help me. I stood there in his arms in the hall of the hospital for a while then we heard someone clear their voice. We turn our heads to see Dr. Roseland standing there with a smirk on her face.

Slowly we pull apart and she shakes her head then takes a deep breath and clasps her hands in front of her. Just these small movements send fear running up and down my spine. "I don't know how to tell you this but, Catalina is going to have problems her whole life. She is going to have bladder problems, her eye mussels could be underdeveloped. Maybe even lung problems. She's going to make it for sure now but she may always be small and have struggled." she says and I nod my head.

"This is terrible but I guessed that," I say and she takes a step forward and places a hand on my shoulder.

"Tony I know people are telling you this all the time but I feel like I need to tell you this. There is nothing you could have done to stop what happened from happening. Don't be afraid to have more children, don't be afraid to live your life to the fullest with Catalina with you. Don't let this tear you apart and make you feel like you didn't do your very best for your little girl." she says and I smile at her then she pulls me into a hug.

"Thank you," I say and she rubs my back in a comforting and friendly manner.

"Of course Tony now you two head home. Get some real rest because I have more news. She's 5.1 pounds and that means she's going to get to go home tomorrow. She's doing well." she says and my eyes go wide.

"Really?" I stutter and Mike pulls me close to him.

"She gets to come home? ALready?" he asks and Dr. Roseland nods her head with a wide smile on her face.

"That's right. Congratulations boys. Your daughter is going home."