Artbook 4

Lil thing

Ok so as you guys know, I'm a bisexual boi and nobody irl knows.

Well yesterday that changed and I seriously regret it a lot.

I know this may not seem like a big deal to a lot of you, but if you met my mum you would understand why I am still freaking out today.

So I've been going to art classes and I made friends with this demisexual girl who has a girlfriend (I was gud friends with her girlfriend) and I never knew until then and started shipping it a ton. I told her that they sounded so cute (but her girlfriend moved to the other end of the country. Sadness.)

Itold my mum that I'm friends with this girl and because my mum doesn't really agree with gays I decided to bring it up just to show her it's a changing world or whatever, and then we had this conversation:
(Bold is mum normal is me)

Well I guess that's her decision to like girls then.

She likes both.

Well anyways, it doesn't matter. You don't like girls do you (sort of a not question)

....

....

*shifts in seat uncomfortably*

Do you?

Maybe.

....

Perhaps.
Probably.

Really?

Yes.

But you still like guys though right.

Yes. (Not going to tell her that I prefer girls tho)

*relief*
So how long have you known?

About a year.

Are you sure you like girls?

And then she went on saying you're too young to make that decision blah blah blah it's fine to have close friends that are girls blah blah you don't understand because you've never kissed anyone.

Making excuses

Now I'm terrified she's going to tell everyone instead of me telling them myself.

Sorry for being so dramatic and making a huge deal out of nothing, but I live with a Christian mother who has strong distaste for gays and thinks they are wrong and disgusting and a step father, real father and little brother who think it's unnatural and gross and weird.

So basically everyone in my family :,>

I think the thing that hurt most was the disappointment in my mothers eyes, and the way her tone went flat and disappointed when she spoke. Shes hardly made eye contact with me since yesterday and I can just feel her disappointment and judgement I can literally feel it. It's so heavy and painful and I dread going home through fear that everyone in my family will know and hate me for who I'm attracted to.
It's not fair.
I just wish it was seen as normal..