Anime x Reader One-Shots!

Just a Reflection

I don't know if I'll ever publish this, but I sort of needed to write this.

So, I started this story when I was 12/13 and still in middle school. My friend had introduced me to the anime community, and I was immediately hooked, since I had been taking Japanese before I learned about it anyway, and I am also Japanese on my mother's side. Some terrible things had happened to me in seventh grade, and, as it always has been, writing was my escape. When I wrote, I could create stories and worlds in which depression didn't exist.  And, now that I had anime, I had a brand new scope of subjects I could write about. I threw myself into this meg fan fiction of anime trash. I would stay up past 1 in the morning in order to write these chapters, since I was usually pretty busy with school, homework, and extracurricular activities during the day. What I looked forward to every day was getting to snuggle up under the covers, put on some music, and let my stories flow. Not that these were, by any means, good stories. I honestly cannot believe I thought a person would run off into the woods in the middle of the night with a hot stranger and fall in love after having known them for, like, three days. 

But it was because it didn't make any sense that it was fun. 

I met some really cool people during my time in the anime community. I have a really nice memory of staying up late one night talking to two other people on Quotev (when I still had an account on that site) about our love for pie. It was a really insignificant conversation that I doubt either of the people I was talking with remember, but it made me so happy I couldn't stop smiling for the next day or two. To a depressed person, even the smallest things can mean the world. 

However, my depression got very, very bad. I couldn't stand to write anything anymore. I felt so devoid of meaning that I had completely given up. I had to be saved from making what would have been a very horrible mistake. 

I abandoned Wattpad, and instead took time to heal. I drew a lot, wrote some poetry, saw a therapist, and found joy again. 

I found this account again, a year and a half after everything transpired, and was so embarrassed by the absolutely terrible stuff I rushed out that I wrote that troll chapter. My friends had been - and still do - tease me about this awful fan fiction, and I wanted it to be clear that I was past that. I hate this entire story, but I don't its existence. It holds a special place in my heart.

I like to look at this (although I can't stand reading it because I cringe so hard) because it makes me think of how far I've come. This past summer, I actually went on exchange to Japan for two months, and it was the most amazing experience I've ever had. It gave me the opportunity to see past the wonderland, fantastic Japan I had imagined as a middle-schooler. I'm so glad i had the opportunity to view the differences in America's and Japan's education styles, try foods I'd never heard of, meet incredible people, and learn to solve problems on my own. Sure, there were some embarrassing things, like how I spilled matcha powder all over the front of my white uniform during tea ceremony club in front of everyone, but even those were valuable. Instances like that taught me to laugh at myself, and accept the fact that I make mistakes. And returning home and seeing my family and my dog for the first time in months gave me a new appreciation for the things I have.

Anyway, I'm not really sure what the point of writing this was. Sort of a catharsis, I guess - I've been dealing with a lot of stressful things lately. I'm not worried. My experiences, both with recurring depression and feeling super homesick for a week or so during the middle of my homestay , have taught me that you just have to understand that it'll pass and you can't stop pushing. As much as it may feel that your world is crumbling, the rest of the world won't stop for you. It's a lot less painful to keep swimming than to get dragged along by the current. 

Lastly, I cannot believe all the attention my story got. 124k people have read the words I stayed up writing night after night. I can't even begin to express how insane that is. I know I've improved a lot in the few years since I first wrote this, sitting down on my bed while on a Skype call with my friend. I'm writing a book now. Maybe I'll say something when it's been published. Actually, I probably won't. I'm not sure I want anyone knowing that I published such a huge trash heap of weeaboo garbage. But I'll find a way to hint at it to you.

Anyway, thank you for reading this long-ass chapter. Sorry if it has any mistakes. I wrote this on a whim and I don't feel like going back to edit it. It was nice to get everything off my chest. The last thing I'll say before I go is that you're all lovely human beings. I think that, throughout the entire time this series was being written, I've only had one or two mean comments. Your support has made me very happy. I'm excited to see where life takes you all. 

Best of luck.