Deepest Darkest Desire

Running Away from Love (SPG Part 17)

A/N: Belated happy birthday to JeAnn and to me, hehe. Hi to Jesha, Jantyne, Prenny and to all TVM Munchies na hindi namention u know who u are. To all my lovely readers, this chapter is for you. Mwahh..Love you all.

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When I woke up that morning, I have a heavy heart and a swollen eyebags. Nakatulogaan ko ba naman ang pag-iyak? Worst of it, wala na si Vice sa tabi ko. It's 5:30 am pa lang pero umalis na siya. I look at my bedside table, hoping to see a piece of note just like before, but there's none. I lazily crawl to reach for my phone, no messages at all. I stared at the nothingness while I am sitting with the comforter on. Kung may isang bagay man na magpapatunay na nandito nga siya kagabi, ay ang katotohanang hubad pa rin ako sa ilalim ng comforter. I automatically embrace my naked body because of the coldness of my sorrounding. Nakabukas ang slide door ng balkonahe at bahagyang pumapasok ang malamig na hangin, and that's the time it crossed my mind that I need a walk, or run. Matagal na rin naman akong hindi nakakatakbo simula nang maging busy ako sa art exhibits. I am always present at fun runs before because it keeps me alive, I do need to feel alive specially now that my heart is doomed. So gathering up all my strentgh together and without bothering to change clothes, I get out of my bed and walk towards the bathroom. 

Pagkatapos kong mag freshen up ay tinungo ko ang cabinet at nagbihis. I chose to wear my neon tops and gray sweat pants, then I put my sneakers on, tied my hair in a ponytail then one last pat on the mirror and I'm good to go. Medyo nakabisado ko na naman ang lugar dahil sa paulit ulit namin na mga lakad nila Anne kaya ayos lang kahit ako lang mag-isa. Naabutan ko pa si Mommy D na nagluluto sa kusina nung kumuha ako ng mineral water so I grab the opportunity at nagpaalam ako sa kanya. Once I get out of the gate I start to run and heads for the north.

I  run in a low pace as I assemble by mp3 and put the earphones on. I smiled as the cold wind touches my body, it is revigorating. I am going down the hill at may nakakasalubong pa akong couple na middle aged na masayang nagtatawanan habang nagja jogging. Meron ding dalawang couple na seryoso naman sa biking with their complete bikers outfit at parang nag-uunahan pa. Nauuna na ang babae at pilit hinahabol nung lalake at nang maabutan na ng lalake, nagtatawanan na silang dalawa. I immediately look away because emptiness is owning me. I am here to run, to feel alive, to enjoy the fresh air, to appreciate the view, but I cannot ignore my heart that is shouting loud at me. I run fast that the surrounding is becoming blurry. I breath heavily.

I love you Vice..

Don't...

Like an old film in the cinema, that scenario is keep on repeating in my head. I breath harder. I run faster.

I don't do girlfriends karylle. It's not my kind of thing...

I realize that I can't feel anything for the women that I've been with..

I don't know if I am capable of loving, and that someone could love me either..

His voice, his words keeps on messing with my head. Run. Breath. Run as fast as I could. I am very far from their house now. I can see the seashore beneath the pine trees. I run towards it.

There are things better left unsaid, love...

You are mine and I am yours, but no emotional attachment. You could go, you could leave me if you want to...

I am sweating profusely but I don't care. I need this, I need to feel alive. So I run, faster  that I can feel my lungs could burst anytime, but I still run