Wish You Were Here - Part 2

Chapter 18

OLIVIA'S POV

NOVEMBER

I think this must be what it feels like to die.  It's been days since I spoke to Harry, I'm not even sure how many.  I don't know how long it took to move all of my things out of his house and into Bec's. I can't be sure how many times he tried to call or text before I took the SIM card out of my phone.  I've lost track of how many hours I have been awake, replaying every perfect memory of us together over in my head, trying to find a hint, a clue, a moment where I could have seen this coming, but there are none.

I thought he loved me.

I was wrong.

I feel completely dead inside, numb, detached and I'm starting to honestly believe I'm never going to recover from this.

I always told him that. I held off being with him for so long, over a year, because I knew if this ever happened I wouldn't be alright. Yet, here I am, stupid, fucking Olivia. I fell into his irresistible trap, he clouded my judgement with a false sense of love and comfort and I have no one to blame but myself. I knew this would happen.

The part concerning me the most is that I haven't shed a single tear, it's as if that is too easy, too predictable and this feeling is worse than any tears could ever ease.  I'm paralysed with pain and that's the way I'm going to stay. I'm taking comfort in knowing if I stay like this forever, nothing will ever touch me close enough to hurt me again.

I thought what we had was incomparable and irreplaceable.  I thought we had transcendent love, bigger than either of us and something the gods or fate or whatever else is out there decided to grace us with.

I was wrong.

My eyes shut and I see the photo of them kissing on the back of my eyelids.  The strangest part is I found my mind trying to convince myself that there has been a mistake.  I have overanalysed his body language, wondering what his eyes look like behind his sunglasses, dissecting the meaning behind the one finger of his that is pulled away from her waist. 

He was never one to flaunt relationships in public so why would he kiss her in broad daylight, when he has a girlfriend at home? It made no sense. But at the end of the day, they had kissed, there was proof, he admitted it and he kept it from me, and now I was the laughing stock of the entire world. 

Of course he was cheating on me.  I knew this would happen.  It's my fault for letting myself love him.

I thought I knew him.

I was wrong.

The image haunts me, just like he does.  His press following me around everywhere: on social media, on magazines, bus stops, on the radio and TV. Everywhere I look I see him, hear him.  It's the ultimate torture.

He has been trying to contact all of our friends, even calling my parents at one stage, but the damage is done.

I thought he was different.

I was wrong.

Xander and Will have tried to explain his side of the story, something about her kissing him and him not pulling back fast enough but it's all too little too late and it all just sounds like a halfhearted excuse. He called Nathan too, demanding to talk to me or Bec and I listened, no expression on my face or feelings in my heart as she told him to fuck off and leave me alone.

"Just hear him out." Nathan begged his girlfriend one night, the division between the sexes incredibly evident and there's something about a cheating man that ties the bond women share, closer together.

All I could do was stare at him and wonder if he's doing the same thing to Bec.  Probably.  If Harry could fool me into thinking his love ran that deep for me then it could happen to anymore.

I thought it was real.

I was wrong.

"Did they kiss?" Bec asks Nathan for me and I close my eyes and drown out the voices when he starts his answer with "yes, but..."

I have been going to work, not sure how I'm getting through the days or whether I'm even completing any tasks, sauntering my way through life, saying as little as possible and trying to escape to be alone as often as I can.   Completely content with the fact this is how my life is always going to be from now on, my life without him. 

I thought he was the one.

I was wrong.

A/N: everyone ok??? silly question but i feel responsible to ask! haha

Sorry about the short chapters but it's a busy busy time of year! more coming ASAP!

LOVE YOU!

Ruby xx