101 Ways to ditch the Date | SIRIUS BLACK

No. 82

As the silence intensified, Ora's fingers tightened around Sirius', both staring intently at Miria. Ora knew her mother, how much she loved a big scene with all eyes on her so the fact that she was currently being very carefully watched must have been heaven for her. Even Dawid seemed to have let his guard down, observing his daughter with detached yet undeniable curiosity. Under such intense gaze, Miria's mouth opened and closed for a few moments before there was a loud slap and Ora realised her Mother had sharply brought the drinks menu down onto the table.

"Oh, Dad, considering it's the occasion would you be willing to treat the table to a nice, little Merlot?" Miria beamed, her simpering demeanour recovered, "It tends to help people loosen up a bit - "

"Mum," Ora snapped back, "I don't want Merlot, I asked you a question and - "

"What now?" Miria seemed rather taken aback although it was far too exaggerated - nobody widened their eyes that much unless it was intentional and carefully planned, "Are you too young to drink or something? That can't be, you were eighteen in April and your friends certainly look old enough to drink too - "

"No, Mum, I - "

"Then I see no problem," She clicked her fingers, "I'll get the waiter - Dad, Merlot, yes?"

A sudden spur of irritation and boldness came over Ora at her Mother's casual brushing off at the question. She'd put up with this shit and manipulation for years and today? Today she couldn't stand it. Letting go of Sirius' hand, she stood up in a mad, chaotic flurry; furiously slamming both palms flat onto the table causing the dainty silverware to clatter and shake.

"MUM!" She said through gritted teeth, "Please, just answer my question," Pausing for dramatic effect, she leant in a little, "Why did you leave me and Dad? I ... I know you were unhappy, that much was clear but I need to know what you were thinking, why you felt that was the best way forward please. Because ... because - "

"Orabelle, this is your first time seeing me in Morgana knows how long," was Miria's sharp, sweet reply, "You wouldn't want to ruin this with silly little issues from the past now, would you? I want us to get along so much, my beautiful girl, I am your Mother but whilst I may be willing to let go, if you can't that would be a little ... detrimental to our relationship. So Orabelle, how about we let bygones be bygones and instead discuss something far more pleasant - "

"No!" Without even meaning to, Ora's fists tightened, her nails scraping across the table leaving little divets in their wake, "Mum, no, this ... this ... I don't want to just have a pleasant meal because I ... I ... why is this so hard! Look ... I ...." I want to have you in my life too were the words balancing on the tip of her tongue and threatening to topple off. In a way they were true, so painfully true. Even with the way Miria had acted, the damage she'd caused in so many ways, part of Ora still wanted her Mother back in her life. Yet she knew that if she let this confession escape, admitted it to the world, Miria would twist it, use it to guilt her into silence and they'd never get past this.

"Mum ... please just answer the question," She finished softly before sinking back into her chair, "I just want to know because sometimes ... well, more than sometimes ... I think about doing the same," Usually Miria would have seized upon such a pause to 'smooth' over the conversation yet this time silence followed, "Sometimes, I just feel like I'm ... I'm so bad that the only way to stop hurting people is to leave just like you did. I know it would hurt them a lot but even if they tell me this, sometimes it feels like the lesser of two evils which is why I need to know why you left me, please, Mum."

To her surprise, soft hands quickly caressed her own and she looked up to see Miria reaching across the table with something almost akin to ... pity in her eyes.