Have All My Heart

Chapter 7 - You Keep Me Sane, You Keep Me Strong

All can feel is pain and fear. Pain throbbing in my head. Pain from not being with my Misty. Fear of the voices echoing in my head. Fear of Misty never visiting me. It was all too much to take in at one time. I was losing my mind. My mom had sat with me for hours trying to tell me I wasn't crazy but in reality or whatever grip I had left of it, I was insane. The voices kept speaking in my head. They didn't say anything too specific, they never did. They always just spoke words that didn't make sense but somehow they hurt me and made my head ache. It was like there were bees in my head, stinging my brain and running into my skull. The most awful feeling I’ve ever experienced.

I just sat there, curled up in a corner with my arms wrapped tightly around my thin legs. I had just cried and whimpered hoping the pain would come to a stop but it never did. It kept going for what seemed like hours, maybe even days. The only thing that broke me from my fit was the sound of screams. They weren’t any ordinary screams, they were Misty’s. I jumped to my feet, ran to the only door of my room and started pounding on it.

“Misty?! MISTY!!!” I saw her laying on a bed, with cuts going up her arms that looked stitched up. She was also unusually pale. I cried and pounded on the door more. “LET ME OUT OF HERE!!! THATS MY GIRLFRIEND!!! THATS MY MISTY LET ME OUT!!!” I called and all the doctors just looked at me blankly as if was insane, but I was. They put her in a room next to mine and I pounded on the walls. “MISTY!! MISTY CAN YOU HEAR ME!? MISTY PLEASE!!!” I called out but I knew she was still asleep.

Finally a doctor came up to my door and opened it, looking at me with a sad smile, ”It’s visiting hours now and you can go see her.” She said softly. I nodded to the lady, then was lead by two doctors to Misty's room where I pulled a chair up by her bed and held her hand gently.

“Baby.. baby girl,” I whispered and kissed her forehead. “What have you done??” I added and looked at the cuts up her arms. I knew this was intentional. I had told her to leave it alone but she didn’t. In an odd way I found this super romantic but in another way I was upset at her for not listening to me. I didn’t know what to think at the moment. I just sighed and looked down but then a small sound made my eyes glance back up at Misty just as her eyes were fluttering open. she looked around.

“T-Tj?” She asked in her soft, weak voice. I nodded and pushed some of her hair back out of her eyes and smiled softly.

“Yeah baby girl it’s me,” the part in me that wanted to be upset with her disappeared as her face lit up and she reached out to hug me but this time, she was the one with the restraints on her wrists. I leaned down and hugged her as gently as I could so I didn't have to hurt her. I climbed into bed beside her and just laid there. “Sweet girl, why did you do this?” I asked in a low whisper. She just looked up at me with those big blue eyes of hers that showed she was sorry but we both knew with her being here I would be more sane and get out of here sooner.

“I’m sorry Tj but I had to be here...you needed me.” I nodded softly then looked at her wrists again. I winced just looking at them. I hated knowing that she hurt herself to make my life easier. It filled me with a sense of guilt but she just kissed my cheek and smiled. “I’m fine really...I just needed you and you needed me.“ She whispered and I just nodded simply. I took her arm in my hand and gently kissed every cut going up each arm. She just smiled and relaxed, the one thing I wanted her to do. It made me happy knowing that my touch soothed her. I sat back up as visiting hour came to an end.

“I’ll be back” I smiled as I was taken away by two doctors. Misty smiled and pulled at her restraints, giggling softly.

“I’ll be waiting here” she said softly and laid back. I wished I could stay in the same room as her. By her side and never letting her out of my sight. I just needed to keep her safe but I was upset because that was not an option. I sighed and sat on the floor in my room and just waited for the next visiting time to come along so I could see my girl once again.