Have All My Heart

chapter 8 - Gotta Keep Your Head Up

again, I’m trying not to lose my creative spark. this was had to write again.

i’m sorry it took so long.

- kiers.

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They want me to leave. 

They say I’m strong enough to go home.

They want me to leave my Tj behind.

They don’t know that I’ll do anything to stay by his side.

        I need to stay here. I have to be with my Tj. He needs me. I need him. Today’s a Wednesday, they want to send me home Saturday. That’s four days left with him. Four days more of seeing him every day. I just don’t want to leave him. 

        Today they were bringing me to go visit him. I was escorted out of my nurse, Gloria. She was a nice lady, a bit older. Gray curly hair and bright green eyes.

        “To your boyfriend’s room?” She would ask me every morning. I would smile wide up at her and nod, every morning. It was kind of our thing. This morning though, it was different. The atmosphere felt cold. I could feel it and I bet any money Tj could too.

        We both knew the truth was coming out today.

        I stood up from the plain white bed with the two cream colored pillows and was taken out of my room, to the room next door. Gloria knocked on the door.

        “Enter.” Tj said from the other side of the door. Gloria opened the door and I ran inside. “Baby!”

       He grinned. I tackled him into a hug on to his bed, smiling from ear to ear. 

        “Tj!” I giggled, peppering his face with soft, sweet kisses. I was trying to enjoy them while I could. 

       “Woah woah woah, calm down Miss Barakat, there are security cameras in here.” He winked, smirking that playful smirk I knew so well. I gently hit his arm, laughing. 

         “Sorry...” I started to say, “It’s just that, I’m going to miss you like crazy.” I mumbled. He raised an eyebrow, curious at what I was saying. I didn’t want to tell him but I had too. It was going to be tough, telling him that I was being forced away from him. I glanced back up at him and his face said it all.

Heartbroken.

        “Wh-what?” He managed to stutter out. I instantly felt worse. Oh boy. “No...no Misty you can’t leave.” He told me. I nodded in agreement.

        “I’ve already got a plan Tj.” I told him. He just stared blankly at me. When he did this, he was in deep thought but not a lot of people could tell. We sat there in an eerie silence for what seemed like ages. 

        “You don’t belong here.” He told me simply. “You’re sane. You got in here because of me. It’s not where you’re meant to be.” He said. “I’m making sure you stay out and never get back in this hell.” 

        “Tj! I need you! You need me! I need to be in here! Haven’t you noticed that I don’t care?!” I wanted to yell. It was hard for me to keep my temper controlled. 

        “Mist...” He said in a calm tone, “You’re leaving in what? A few days tops. You need the sunlight, you need fresh air, you need to dance again and you need your family. I alone can’t help you and we both know that.” He explained. I knew in every bit of me he was right. I did need to leave. This place was bringing down my health, not making it better.

        “But you..this can’t be enough to help you get better!” I protested. 

        “They’ll put me on meds Mist. I’ll be home before your little heels can click together three times and wish for me to be by your side.” He smiled, kissing the tip of my nose. I just smiled. Somehow, I knew this would be alright.

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Goodbyes are not easy for me. 

They’re such a hard part of life, I somehow forget how to say goodbye.

        My few belongings were packed. I was waiting with Tj for my few, final moments. We would be apart for about five weeks. That’s five weeks to long in my mind but he promised I would be fine. I had to force myself it would be. 

       We sat there, holding each others hand tight. I didn’t want to let go and if I did I felt like my world would melt away into nothingness. 

        “I promise, this’ll be the quickest five weeks of your life.” He reassured me. I nodded weakly, hugging him tight again.

        “Miss Barakat!” Gloria’s voice called. She sounded a bit sad I’d be leaving. The other day, she told me she loved having me as a patient. I wish I knew why old people liked me so much. I can’t quite figure it out. She opened the door to Tj’s room for the last time. I looked at the boy I loved with all my heart and leaned in, kissing him with the most passion I had ever kissed him. He didn’t hold back either. I just wanted this moment to last for the rest of my life. Reluctantly we both pulled away. 

        “I love you baby girl. Keep your head up high, for me.” He whispered as I stood up.

        “I love you too.” I kissed the top of his head, making my way to the door and following Gloria out to my dad. With each step away from him, I knew the harder it’d be to live for the next few weeks.

Fuck my life.