baby brain || verkwan

16: fault.

"seungkwannie?" hansol said quietly, stroking his boyfriend's blond hair.

seungkwan had been so upset about the news about wonwoo, he hadn't said a word to anyone since yesterday afternoon.

"i made you breakfast," hansol added.

the blond was huddled in his blankets, lying on his side with porro curled up next to him.

"kwannie, you need to get up."

seungkwan rubbed his face with his hands before sitting up, nodding. "okay," he said quietly.

hansol smiled sadly. "come on," he said, wrapping his arms around him and leading him to the kitchen. "you can't not eat breakfast, love. the baby needs it."

seungkwan nodded. "i know," he sighed.

"he must be getting big, now," hansol said proudly as he served seungkwan his food.

"it's a girl."

"if you say so, baby," he said with a smirk. "anyway, i was looking at baby toys, kinda randomly - but, i saw these toy cars but they were, like, soft-"

"it's a girl."

"-so that the baby could cuddle them. isn't that cute?"

seungkwan nodded, forcing a smile. hansol sat down and they both ate their breakfast.

"are there any foods you'd like to eat now that you're pregnant?" hansol asked, "i've read about stuff you can eat with extra vitamins for the baby-"

"hansol, stop talking about the baby!" seungkwan shouted, rising from his seat. "i've heard enough about the fucking baby!" tears in his eyes, he ran to the bedroom and slammed the door.

hansol raised an eyebrow, pushing his place aside. he set his jaw and gathered the empty dishes and placed them in the sink. he finished getting ready in the bathroom, evening putting on his shoes and lacing them up. he lingered outside the bedroom with his keys in his hand.

"seungkwan?"

the blond didn't answer him.

"love? i've got to go to work now," hansol said, rubbing his forehead. "at least say goodbye to me?"

"no."

the brown-haired main pushed off from the wall and got his coat. "alright, then," he said.

seungkwan was left sobbing in the bedroom as he heard the front door close.

***

"thank you so much for coming," said mingyu, opening the front door to let the heavily pregnant male inside.

"it's nothing, sweetie," jeonghan said sadly, giving the tall man's shoulder a squeeze, "wonwoo's my friend, and i was worried about him, too."

"he isn't eating properly," mingyu fretted, tugging on his hair to dishevel it even more than it already was. "and he barely talks. he hasn't spoken to me for days," he choked out.

"oh, sweetie," jeonghan cooed, sitting mingyu down on the sofa, "tell me what happened."

"i happened to phone wonwoo when... when he started losing the baby," said mingyu, his voice quiet, eyes cast down, "he was bleeding really badly, and he'd passed out by the time the ambulance arrived." he scrubbed away his tears before continuing. "he was out for a couple of hours, and there was nothing they could do. he miscarried... wonwoo started crying as soon as he woke up; he already knew."

mingyu buried his head in his hands and wept. jeonghan rubbed his back soothingly.

"what happened when you got home?" he asked softly.

mingyu sniffed. "he went to the bedroom and started throwing out all the stuff we'd bought for the- for the baby," he said, his voice like gravel, "he blamed himself so much for it, jeonghan. what am i supposed to do? he stopped talking to me after that. he hasn't left our bedroom, he won't even let me touch him to comfort him, and he just ignores me. i don't think he even sleeps... i started sleeping on the couch a few nights ago because i couldn't deal with it."

"oh, sweetie," jeonghan sighed, continuing to rub mingyu's back. "i'm so sorry that all this happened..."

"it's life," he muttered. "we need to move on, but wonwoo's just stuck in the past!" mingyu couldn't say anymore as his shoulders shook with sobs.

"sweetie," jeonghan murmured. "i'll go and speak to wonwoo now." 

jeonghan got up, both hands under his huge baby bump, and waddled towards mingyu and wonwoo's bedroom. he knocked on the door.

"wonwoo? wonwoo, it's me, jeonghan. can i come in?"

a faint "yes" was all the long-haired man needed to open the door and enter the room.

"wonwoo, you look terrible," he said. and seriously, the man did look half-dead.

jeonghan sat down heavily on the end of the bed.

"wonwoo, you need to get past this," he said, almost harshly. "you're doing yourself no favors by staying in bed like this; you should take a shower, and you really should be eating."

"what's the point?" wonwoo said, almost inaudibly.

"wonwoo, your life didn't end when you lost the baby," jeonghan said steadily, "you have to understand that. you being like this is killing your husband."

"i don't care."

"sweetie, you need to care," he snapped, "can't you see you're practically killing yourself?"

"i deserve it anyway..."

jeonghan slapped him across the face.

wonwoo's chest heaved, his eyes filling with tears. jeonghan looked at his hand with regret as wonwoo's cheek reddened.

"wonwoo," he said, grunting as he shifted himself closer. "listen to me. you can't stay stuck in your grief like this, it's not healthy. especially for you and mingyu's marriage. please."

wonwoo was looking away, tears running down his face.

"you still have your life to live with mingyu."

he shook his head violently, starting to choke on his sobs.

"it's not your fault," jeonghan whispered, laying a hand on wonwoo's. "please believe me."

"jeonghan," he got out.

jeonghan shushed him, wrapping his arms around the crying man and cradling his head to his chest.

"i hate myself," he choked out, "i hate that this happened, my baby, mingyu's child... gone..."

"i know, i know," jeonghan murmured. "you'll be okay. you'll be okay, i promise."

mingyu stood in the doorway. jeonghan caught his eye and gestured for him to come over. the tall man crawled onto the bed and jeonghan transferred the crying man over to him. mingyu held his husband tightly, tears rolling down his face too as he apologised over and over.

jeonghan saw himself out of the house.

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