baby brain || verkwan

18: i'm fine.

"porro," seungkwan called, rolling over in bed. "porro, honey?"

the cat gave a meow and padded into the room, jumping up onto the bed. she rubbed her squished nose on seungkwan's tummy, making him laugh.

"for such an ugly thing, you are so cute," he cooed, stroking her head. "i really don't want to go to work today, porro."

porro just purred as seungkwan rubbed behind her ears.

"yeah, i should go," he sighed, "i'm running out of days to take off."

hansol had already gone to work, leaving seungkwan with the cat. seungkwan took a quick shower, blow-dried his hair and styled it in a side part, and put on his favourite sweater - the yellow one with the teddy on the front. he put his jeans on, but found that he could no longer get them over his hips.

"are you kidding me?" he complained. they were one of his smaller pairs of jeans, but still. he rummaged around in his closet for a different pair, finding a dark-wash blue pair of jeans that he remembered shoving to the back because they were too loose. now, they fitted him perfectly. "did i really gain that much weight on my ass?" he grumbled, fastening his jeans and tugging his yellow sweater over his waistband. "or are you just growing, baby?" he added fondly, rubbing his stomach.

he grabbed a few snacks from the cupboard, and reached for the kettle. it was still warm from hansol making his morning coffee, seungkwan noticed, but he put it boil again. hansol often left seungkwan to sleep in later, since he was feeling more tired than usual. and luckily the morning sickness didn't strike every single morning.

"porro, did hansol already feed you?" he called. the cat appeared and rubbed herself around his legs. "i'm guessing he did. he's such a good boy, isn't he?" 

the blond chuckled and ate a cereal bar whilst he made his coffee. placing it in a travel flask, he grabbed his small purple rucksack, the rest of the snacks, and left the apartment.

"bye, porro! be a good girl," he said, reaching down to stroke the cat before closing the apartment door behind him. he texted wonwoo to say he was coming to pick him up for work before starting the car and heading off.

"hey, seungkwan," said wonwoo, waving a sweater paw as he came out of his house. he was wearing a huge gray roll-neck, and looked almost like he was drowning in the knitted material. he opened the front passenger door and climbed in, placing his travel mug next to seungkwan's in the car.

"hey, won," he replied with a smile. "how're you holding up?"

"oh, good," wonwoo said abruptly, smiling widely. he took a hasty gulp of coffee. it had been a week since the two had met with jeonghan for coffee, so nearly two weeks since wonwoo and mingyu had lost their baby.

"that's... great, wonwoo," seungkwan said, trying to mask his surprise.

wonwoo adjusted his specs and reached for the radio. "can we listen to twice?" he asked.

"cd's already in there," seungkwan laughed, starting up the car again. "seatbelt," he added.

"of course," wonwoo replied, fastening his seatbelt and turning the music up loud.

"how's mingyu, by the way?" the blond asked as they pulled into the parking lot.

"the giant puppy he always is," wonwoo said, rolling his eyes. "he's been really great, as usual, so..."

"mm-hmm." seungkwan smiled at him. he reached for wonwoo's hand. "i'm still here for you, won... if you ever need anything."

"i wouldn't forget that," wonwoo told him, raising the corners of his mouth briefly. he got out of the car.

seungkwan squinted his eyes at the man before getting out and locking up.

"fancy a snack?" seungkwan asked as he shrugged of his jacket and hung it up in the back room.

"oh, i'm not hungry," wonwoo replied.

"hey, guys!" soonyoung chirped.

"hey," seungkwan said, raising his eyebrows. "oh, soonyoung? would you mind fetching the stock from the back room? i noticed that some of the romance section is getting a bit low."

"sure!" soonyoung exclaimed. "how's the-"

"now, please," seungkwan interrupted, sparing a glance at wonwoo.

soonyoung was a nice guy, for sure, but he lacked a filter. even though seungkwan had taken him aside and quietly explained what happened with wonwoo, a week later soonyoung was still asking seungkwan about his baby. and seungkwan didn't know if wonwoo could deal with that.

"of course," soonyoung replied, nodding and quickly leaving the room.

"you don't have to keep doing that," wonwoo said quietly.

"won-"

the bespectacled man had already gone back into the shop.

***

"hey, sweetie," jeonghan cooed on the other end of the line, "how are you?"

"i'm fine, jeonghan," wonwoo replied, frowning as he walked down the street towards the convenience store. he and mingyu had run out of milk, so wonwoo had gone to his nearest store after seungkwan dropped him back after work. "...why?"

"i'm just checking up on you, sweetie," jeonghan said. "are you sure you're okay?"

"yeah, i just said so," wonwoo remarked.

"want to meet up? i dropped the kids at seokmin's for a couple of hours because they're stressing me out," jeonghan chuckled.

"okay, sure," wonwoo agreed.

the two met at a nearby coffee shop, jeonghan buying them both a drink.

"sweetie, are you eating properly?" jeonghan asked him.

"y-yeah, why...?" wonwoo mumbled, tugging on his sweater sleeves.

"you look really thin, sweetie," jeonghan said in concern, moving - with some difficulty - to sit beside wonwoo. he took wonwoo's hand in both of his.

"i am," wonwoo said, frowning.

"you haven't been sleeping, have you?" the long-haired man said softly, brushing wonwoo's fringe out of his eyes. "sweetie, i can see that all this fake 'happy' is wearing you out."

"jeonghan, i'm fine," wonwoo insisted, looking away.

"sweetie," jeonghan tried again, "you don't have to get over it this quickly. no one expects you to be happy all the time."

a tear escaped and ran down wonwoo's face.

"oh, wonwoo," he sighed, wrapping his arms around the thin man.

wonwoo wept into jeonghan's sweater, his whole body shaking.

"i-i miss the baby," he choked out. "i didn't even get to meet h-him or her, b-but i m-miss the baby, jeonghan."

jeonghan held back tears as he rubbed wonwoo's back. "i know, sweetie... i know," he said softly.

___________________

i'm sad. 

also i'm sorry i haven't been updating this book as often as i usually do, i've been studying

and i have an exam tomorrow ughh

i only have one other exam after that, on wednesday, but hopefully i can update this before then :) i want wonwoo to stop being sad T_T

taellipses out x