Big Bad World

My Safe Place

The flickerinf light of the television woke me up suddenly. I had no idea what time it was. I opened my eyes and looked up to see that Keith Urban was right next to me, and he had his arm around me. Was I dreaming? Was everything that had happened today really real? For a moment I thought it was a dream, but the way he moved to get comfortable made it appear to be more real. I moved so I wouldn't interrupt his TV watching, but I apparently didn't do a good job. He looked down at me and smiled. "Hi there, sleepy head." 

I gave a smiled and sat up to face him. "What time is it?" I asked, assuming it was still my birthday. Where was Aubrey? "It's 1 in the morning. You wanted to watch a movie, but evidently you fell asleep. Aubrey left. She figured you'd be okay with that" Keith answered. I was wide-eyed. Keith Urban was alone with me at my house. I didn't even get an explanation from Aubrey how she had made all this happen? Everything was a blur. I played with my hair some and gave a little yawn. "Some birthday.. I fall asleep in Keith Urban's arms.." I  joked. 

Keith chuckled and turned the television off. "Aubrey begged to take you out. The plan was for me to take you to dinner, you know because it's your birthday, but the movie is what you insisted on." Of course I would insist on watching a movie? Your music may have saved my life, but I don't trust you enough to take me to dinner. I didn't trust anyone, even if it was Keith Urban. I wanted so badly to think differently, but I couldn't bring myself to break down any kind of wall that I had built up for myself. "It's 1 in the morning. Don't you have a wife to get home to?" I asked, of knowing that Keith and Nicole weren't even together anymore, but if he was at my house I wanted to make conversation, and I wanted to hear him say he was single more than anything. I knew I would never date him seeing as he was years older than me, but it was a fun thought. I enjoyed daydreaming about it. 

Keith cleared his throat and shook his head. " Um.. no.. Nicole and I split up about a year ago." I pretended to act like I didn't know this news. "I'm so sorry... Keith, I.. I didn't know.. that must be hard.." I responded empathetically. Keith then shook his head and smiled. "You don't have to apologize, baby. It's really okay. It's been a year, and believe it or not, I'm doing a lot better with it". 

I smiled and nodded. "I'm sure you're dating someone. I mean, you are Keith Urban..." I nudged him jokingly. Keith gave a soft chuckle shaking his head. He really was such a beautiful man, and he saved my life in so many ways. His blue eyes were like a sky painted blue, and he was more than just a friendly face. He was my hero. "I haven't dated anyone since Nicole. If I'm going to date anyone, she has to be pretty special." I gave a nod. I wasn't special,but I knew I never had a chance to begin with "Well, I'm sure whoever you pick up will be really lucky, and feel really special." I replied. 

The room grew silent for a good half hour. It wasn't an awkward silence, but it felt weird. I never knew what to say. Telling him he saved me was out of the question. Opening up to him at all was out of the question, at least for now anyway. "Tell me about you. I only know your name and the things that Aubrey has told me about you" Keith Asked. My eyes grew wide as I was startled by him breaking the silence. "Um... what did Aubrey say about me?" I asked, avoiding the question. 

"She said you're a huge fan of my music. She also said you play guitar and you're really good at it. All around, she said you're more deserving of a great birthday. You've never been a better friend to her" Keith answered with a smile. I swallowed hard. Aubrey was the greatest friend to me, not the other way around. I shook my head. "Well, Aubrey likes to make me look better than I actually am. Really.. I'm nothing special.... " I trailed off. Keith looked at me with his crystal blue eyes and shook his head. "You seem pretty special to Aubrey. I guess I just would like to know a little about that girl that Aubrey seems to enjoy so much". As much as I wanted to tear down those wallls, I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to tell him anything about me. Not even my favorite color. I looked at my phone and noticed it was near 2 am. "It's getting pretty late. You should get going..." I didn't even allow him to say anything. I let myself out of the room and allowed him to show himself out.

My chances of ever talking to him were slim. It was because of that why tears were falling from my eyes. Not only that, but because digging up anything about myself was painful. Being vulnerable was painful. I would never be ready for it, even if Keith Urban wanted me to be ready. I wasn't. I wasn't special. I lived in a big bad world filled with people who didn't even know who I was. i didn't even know who I was. I was just a nothing, but for some reason I didn't mind blocking out the world and never figuring out who I was. It meant that I didn't have to be vulnerable, which for me was my safe place. Not even Keith Urban could change that. I wouldn't let him. 

(A/N: Sorry it's so long. Please let me know what you guys think, or anything you would like to see in the story!. Also, sorry if it's boring. It'll get better, I promise!).