Big Bad World

My Heart is Open

I woke up to the sun shining through blinding my eyes. The spot next to me was empty. Keith must have already been up and going about his day. My eyes traveled to see the clock that read 10:30. My body was screaming for me to go back to bed, but I knew that it would be better to wake up. There was a certain kind of life in me that motivated my body to get up from the queen-sized bed. I trudged over to the bathroom. My reflection in the mirror looked back at me screaming that I looked like a hot mess. My brunette hair was all in a messy ponytail, and I was wearing one of Keith’s shirts, which was way too big for my body. The scent of his T-Shirt had smelled like him that brought a smile to my face.

 Quickly making myself look somewhat presentable by fixing my hair, I walked through his rather large room to get to the hallway that led to the stairs. An aroma of Pancakes filled the house, and the hustle and bustle of Sunday and Faith. This was something I wouldn’t mind getting used to. I was still pinching myself at the fact that I was dating Keith Urban. A yawn left my mom as I walked slowly into the kitchen with a tired smile. “Good morning, beautiful!” Keith said walking over to me to give me a peck on the lips. I was in heaven.

 “Good morning!” I smiled at his kiss. “Do you have coffee?”

 Keith nodded and poured some coffee from what looked like to be an expensive espresso maker. “Here you are” he said handing me the mug.

 “Thank you!” I took a sip of some of the best coffee I had ever tasted. Not only was he a wonderful father; he was incredibly sweet, caring, a family man, cooked, and made incredible coffee. What was there not to love about him? Sunday was coloring in her coloring book at the kitchen table, and Faith was eating a bowl of strawberries and playing with some kind of toy.

 “I made pancakes. You want one?” Keith said as he sat next to me at the table setting down a plate filled with pancakes.

 “It smells wonderful” I commented. My hand reached for two pancakes and made them up just how I liked them. Sunday grabbed a pancake with her hand and began to eat it plain. In so many ways I saw Keith in her. I saw Keith in both of them. They were so lucky to have him as a dad.

 It was strange how much I felt like I belonged in that moment. I didn’t even have to try and fit in, I just did. That was one of the reasons why I wanted to be all in. Being a part of this had never felt so right. In so many ways it was changing me. I hadn’t let anyone in my life as much as I was allowing Keith. Not even Aubrey knew some of the things I had already told Keith. There was still so much I had to tell him. I had only hoped that today I would have that chance.

 Everyone had finished breakfast, and I was still sipping on a cup of coffee. I looked over at Keith to see him texting. Sunday and Faith ran into the living room and began to play. Keith looked somewhat distressed. I couldn’t help but worry. “You okay?” I asked.

 Keith looked up at nodded. “Yea. It’s fine. Nicole is just wanting the girls for the weekend since she’s not shooting for a couple of days.”

 I had frowned, not really wanting to meet Nicole, and not wanting to give the girls up for a couple of days. I loved having them here. “That sucks… you start tour soon to, don’t you?” I asked.

 Keith nodded and played with a couple of strands of my hair. “Soon, yea” he answered with a smile. I wasn’t going to pretend like this wasn’t going to be hard. I knew going into it that it would be, but I had wished that I wasn’t feeling a sense of sadness so early on in our relationship. I was prepared for hard though, and it was exactly how it was going to be.

 “I want to talk to you today. If we have time,” I said. I was so afraid of telling him everything, but I was all in. Trusting him wasn’t an option. I just did.