Big Bad World

A Decision

 [KEITH'S POV]

My feet were shaking out of my boots, as my hands with great trembling rang the doorbell to Nicole’s house. I had planned on seeing the girls today momentarily, but I also had some news to deliver. The ring was burning a hole in my pocket; feeling like it had weighed a million pounds. There was sweat coming from my brow. To have this over with would be alleviating. I let out a sigh as Nicole opened the door to allow me to come in. Her eyes were giving me a dead stare as if I was going to give her my answer right then and there. Maybe I should, but I wasn’t willing to do that to her. The soles of my shoes rubbed against the hardwood floor before I took them off, leaving a mark just like I used to. Nicole’s home was unforgettable. As a matter of fact, it used to be our home. We found the house together right after the both of us got married. She was thrilled about it. My hands quickly reached down to take my shoes off. I wasn’t planning on getting comfortable, but I knew she would be mad if I never took my shoes off.

 Before long, the girls interrupted the silence between Nicole and I. Sunday was practically screaming after she saw that I had been standing there. “Hi girls!” I picked up each of them to give them a kiss on the forehead. “How are you two holding up?” I asked, bending down to their level. Sunday raved on about watching her favorite movies, going to the park, and then had a mention of how she missed Lacey I shrugged it off and nodded. There was no way I could talk about her. I had to get this moment over with as fast as possible. The girls and I chatted for a bit before I had to let them know that Nicole and I had to have a conversation. Once the girls had left, I got up nervously. “Good to see you,” I said looking into Nicole’s crystal blue eyes.

 She nodded nervously. “You too, Keith. Do you want anything?”

 I shrugged. “Just water is fine.” Nicole nodded and exited into the neat and organized kitchen to fetch a glass of water. She was almost too neat for me. I respected her organization, but living like that was difficult. When we were married, she was nice enough to give me some space to be messy, but most of the house had to be organized. She was very poised in the way she lived. There was much about Nicole that I appreciated and that I still loved more than anything. It was those thoughts that made this decision even harder for me.

 Before long, Nicole walked out with a glass of water. I took the glass from her and gave a soft smile. She was lovely, but I could sense a bit of nervousness in her body language. Swiftly, Nicole sat down on the couch and signaled for me to sit down with her. My bones were shaking, and I could hear her heart thumping. “Well, how’s your week been?” Nicole mumbled.

 I shrugged, remembering Aubrey meeting me for coffee. Reminiscing on memories of Lacey and I, of Nicole and I, and if I even deserved either one. “It was okay. A lot of thinking.” Nicole nodded while licking her lips. The poor girl was apprehensive in her actions, and trying to figure out what to say. How was I going to go about breaking the news? “How was yours?” I asked.

 Nicole shrugged quietly. “It was fine. Just watched the girls. I’ve been thinking a lot too. I’ve also missed you.”

 Her confession made my fists clench. Why was she deciding to make this so difficult for me? I gave a nervous laugh and nodded. “Yea, um I guess we should talk about that. Sometimes thinking a lot pains me, but I think in this instance, it’s helped me come to a revelation; a decision.” I confessed.

 Nicole nodded apprehensively. “Okay?”

 A silence filled the room as I tried to figure how to speak. There was nothing to worry about. I had prepared for what was about to come. The room had a sense of tension, and dreariness, almost like it knew what was coming. “Nicole, you are remarkable human being, an honorable actress, and an extravagant mother. There is so much about you that I respect.” I trailed off for a moment to scan her facial tendencies. She gave a weak smile, and allowed her face to turn back to tepidness. “I just don’t think that I’m in love with you anymore. I know I’m not, and I am so sorry. I’ve thought long and hard about this, and considering our girls, but I can’t live a life knowing that I let the love of my life go. I can’t let her go, Nic.” Tears were forming in her eyes. Instantly I had wished I didn’t say anything. There was absolute that she was going to be hurt, but I had felt repugnant for being the cause of that hurt.

 Nicole nodded and wiped a tear from her wet eyes. “I should’ve seen it coming.”

 I shook my head and gave her quick hug. “Hey, it’s not your fault, okay? You’re incredible; I just can’t let her go. I’ve tried to picture myself letting her go and telling her goodbye. I really have, but the more I try to do that the more I don’t want to live that life.”

 “I just had to tell how you I was feeling. I knew I didn’t have a big chance, Keith. You’ve never looked at anyone the way you look at her. I should’ve saw it coming, I just had hoped that maybe you would’ve chosen me,’ Nicole confessed as she suppressed back the tears.

 I gave her another small hug before I rose up from the couch. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t, Nic…. “

 Nicole shook her head and signaled for me to leave. “Don’t apologize. I’ll move on. Really, I will. I don’t need you as much as Lacey needs you. She needs you a lot more than I’ll ever need you. I’ll get over it, I promise. Now go. Go tell her the news,” she said with a weak smile.

 I couldn’t help but admire the way she was dealing with the news. There was an engagement ring in the back of my pocket. My plan was to propose to Lacey, but I didn’t want Nicole to feel disrespected by that decision. “I’m proposing…” I mumbled, looking away.

 Nicole gave a weak smile and a quick nod. “Then why are you still here? I don’t like her, if we’re honest here.  I actually can’t really stand the girl. I’m jealous, but she’s so young and so naïve. I just worry she’s going to get herself hurt. “

I rolled my eyes, upset at what she was saying about her. “Nicole, Lacey has a great head on her shoulders. You don’t see it, but she’s an incredible human. The girl doesn’t even act like she is 26. She acts a lot older. You two are going to be in each other’s live, so please at least try and tolerate her. That would mean quite a lot to me. She’s going to be my wife. I want to marry her, Nicole. I know you’re hurt. That’s why I told you. I don’t want to disrespect you.”

Nicole shrugged. “You aren’t disrespecting me, Keith. You should propose. I suppose I can try and tolerate her. I just am hurt.  But, you deserve to be happy.”

 I nodded. “I’m sorry, Nic. I really am so sorry.”

Nicole shrugged and gave me one last quick hug. “Don’t worry about me. I’m not the one who needs you. Lacey really does though. So, go and find her. You don’t need to be here. I’ll take the girls for an extra night. Now go!” She said practically pushing me out the door. So there I was, walking toward my future. Hurting Nicole broke my heart, but I couldn’t be more thrilled to look Lacey in the eyes and ask her to be my wife. Thinking about it made it hard for me to breath, but I couldn’t wait to be her man forever. Marriage with Lacey was a life well spent. That was how I wanted to spend the rest of my existence; in Lacey’s arms.

[A/N: Well, sorry my chapters haven't been very long or that good lately. I've been pretty busy, and a lot of stumps when it comes to writing. I'm getting out of the funk, so I'll be able to update a lot more hopefully. Anyways, let me know what you think in the comments. I love you guys!!]